As I’ve mentioned in past years, bloggers are required to create a gratitude list each November. I think it’s written in the Affordable Care Act (somewhere between “quagmire” and “socialism”). Here are the things I’m grateful for this year: My address doesn’t include the words “Syria,” “Juarez,” or “Detroit.” I wasn’t involved in a sex scandal.Continue reading “My Annual Gratitude List”
Tag Archives: Life
Twelve Steps to a Perfect Thanksgiving Dinner
In less than two weeks, people will enter my kitchen and demand a perfectly cooked dead turkey, smashed potatoes and chopped veggies. Sounds pretty violent. And although I STILL can’t cook a turkey so it’s done on time, I’ve found a way to make T-day cooking go a little smoother (yes, alcohol helps). Before Thanksgiving Day:Continue reading “Twelve Steps to a Perfect Thanksgiving Dinner”
Top 5 Ways to Increase Blog Traffic (Sex)
Is your mother the only person reading your blog? Are you posting spammed comments so you look popular? Do you wish you could attract more people to your site? Well, today’s your lucky day. Sex. By incorporating these Top 5 suggestions, your blog should reach at least two people by the end of November. 1. UseContinue reading “Top 5 Ways to Increase Blog Traffic (Sex)”
Happy Retro Halloween!
Let’s travel back to 1975, when the world was less complicated and Halloween was a day-long sugar orgy. It was a simple holiday; I knock on your door–you give me candy. Since then, Halloween has become a multi-million dollar business. Leave it to Americans to prostitute fear. And candy. Costumes 1975: I’d open my costume boxContinue reading “Happy Retro Halloween!”
Why Ringo Hates Halloween
(I am a good boy. A very good boy.) Once upon a time, there was a crazy-ass dog named Ringo. Although his family loved him very much, Ringo was a neurotic freak, with a tendency to overreact to. . . well. . . basically everything. Along with canine-induced ADHD, Ringo also suffered from AAA (allergies,Continue reading “Why Ringo Hates Halloween”
Fear and Loathing in Wendover
For people in Salt Lake, Wendover is a gambling mecca just a quick 90-minute drive away. Frequented by senior citizens, deer widows, Mormons who should be in church and high-school students with fake IDs, this “city” straddles the Utah/Nevada border, allowing Utahnians the opportunity to strike it rich at the blackjack table. Or not. Usually not. (EvenContinue reading “Fear and Loathing in Wendover”
Stages of Utah Snow
Snow sucks. I don’t care if you ski. I don’t care if you snowboard. I don’t care if you live in an igloo. There is no reason for snow to fall before winter officially starts–and don’t give me the, “Well, we need water to live” argument. Wah, wah, wah. Unfortunately, I live in Utah. Also,Continue reading “Stages of Utah Snow”
Understanding Healthcare
You might have heard of the Affordable Health Care Act, also known as Obamacare or the End of Civilization as We Know It. Starting in 2014, everyone needs to be enrolled in some type of health insurance plan. Or else . . . . Unfortunately, Congress has decided to step in. Instead of working together to reachContinue reading “Understanding Healthcare”
People I’m Tired of Hearing About
Give a dog a bone, and he chews it until it’s a messy, pulpy, disgusting pile of goo. Which he then swallows. Give the media a scandal, and they’ll do the same thing. Is the media just lazy, or are celebrities too easy to talk about? Either way–enough, folks!! I don’t want to hear another WORDContinue reading “People I’m Tired of Hearing About”
Salt Lake Comic Con: To Geek or Not To Geek
Utah hosted its first Comic Con event–which seems like a slam dunk, because there are more sci-fi/fantasy geeks in Utah per cubic yard than there are Asians in China. So nerds across the state donned their Imperial stormtrooper armor, hopped in their Tardises (Tardii?) and beamed themselves to the Salt Palace in downtown Salt Lake.Continue reading “Salt Lake Comic Con: To Geek or Not To Geek”
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