Top 5 Ways to Fix Healthcare


Congress is too worried about pissing off big medical, pharmaceutical and insurance companies to fix healthcare. Instead of curing a dying healthcare system, Congress sits on its chest slowly suffocating the life out of any reform.

Maybe our representatives don’t see the populace walking towards them with torches and pitchforks, but we’re coming. If those cut-off-from-reality SOBs don’t pull it together soon, the middle class will implode and heads will roll.

As much as I’d love to see our congressional “leaders” dragged through the streets like a United Airlines passenger, here’s another option: Fix the damn healthcare situation. A few places to start:

  1. Bring down drug costs. Prez Trump is good at issuing ultimatums. Here’s a quote he can use. “Listen up, Pfizer and Bayer and Novartis! You either drop the price of your products or continue to live in greed and luxury!” Wait. I think he’s already used that quote.
  2. Cover holistic practices. Massage, acupuncture and energy healing isn’t just a bunch of malarkey. But after being sick for three years, try to explain to an insurance carrier that holistic practices actually made you well. They look at you like you suggested bringing back polio and dodgeball.
  3. Make medical lobbying illegal. Medical weasels should be banned from Washington, D.C.  Yes, they drive nice cars and smear money around, but they also spread dis-ease and pestilence through their regular use of bribery and ass-kissing.
  4. Cap medical costs. Costs are so out of control, you’d think hospitals were being run by a team of ego-driven chimpanzees. Three of my daughters have been hospitalized in the last year and owe a total of nearly $50,000–AFTER INSURANCE! That isn’t healthcare. That’s pad-our-wallet care.costs
  5. Employers should embrace wellness programs. Including my commute, I spend at least 10 hours a day at my job. If you don’t think sitting on your ass all day makes you unhealthy then you are in denial, my friend. Great employers offer wellness activities DURING business hours. It will make employees happy and lower company insurance costs.

Congress needs to stop protecting the healthcare industry. Everyone knows that enabling someone only makes the situation worse. I don’t think our representatives will like how the voters conduct an intervention.


Understanding Healthcare

You might have heard of the Affordable Health Care Act, also known as Obamacare or the End of Civilization as We Know It. Starting in 2014, everyone needs to be enrolled in some type of health insurance plan. Or else . . . .

Unfortunately, Congress has decided to step in. Instead of working together to reach a compromise to benefit nearly every person in the country, Republicans have basically told the nation “#@&* You!” and voted to SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT in order to defund Obamacare. Isn’t that like burning down the house to get rid of a spider? (Something I would TOTALLY do.)


Health reform isn’t going to be easy, clear or quick. But I believe it will eventually bring health benefits to millions of people without access to insurance (like myself). Here are some things to know about the program:

  • It still won’t be cheap. If you’re looking for a $99 GEICO Health Insurance Plan, it’s not gonna happen. If you sign up for something cheap, you might want to read the fine print. (“This plan only covers non-emergency, non-health related issues and excludes prescriptions, exams, x-rays, diagnostic tests, etc.” Basically, you get a free hospital gown with enrollment.)

geico(Would you buy health insurance from a talking gecko?)

  • You think waiting times are long now? We’ve all arrived at the doc’s early, only to wait for three hours while he delivers a child, removes an appendix, flies to Tokyo for lunch and takes a quick nap. Now, there will be MORE people with insurance, and more people stealing that 2005 People magazine in the waiting room.
  • You’ll see more alternative treatments. Instead of back surgery, how about physical therapy? Instead of a crapload of painkillers, how about meditation? Of course, there will always be snake oil salesmen trying to push the latest fake potion to cure what ails you. (Bought prescription drugs from Mexico lately? Cindy Crawford skin cream?)

snake oil(“Step right up, folks! This concoction cures everything from infertility to warts!”)

  • Not much will change. Prescriptions will still be expensive, surgeons will still make boatloads of money, people will still struggle to make insurance payments, and the health care industry will continue to rake in cash.
  • Congress will continue to be a dysfunctional mess. And there aren’t enough mental health experts in the world to fix that condition.