Didn’t we just survive Tuesday one week ago? It’s back already?
There are only two ways to keep it together on Tuesday: 1) Go back to bed, or 2) hear me whine about what’s driving me crazy today.
- Standing in line at Café Rio, silently practicing my order.
- When the dishwasher breaks and I think, that’s okay, washing dishes by hand is therapeutic. But two days later I’m just throwing plates and shit away because I hate washing dishes.
- 3 a.m.
- When my zipper comes unzipped at the bottom.
(You had one thing to do, zipper.)
- Running up the basement stairs so the monsters don’t get me. Still.
- Repeating a favorite song so many times that I start hating it.
- Not having time for a much-needed mental breakdown.
- Trying to pry apart an English muffin without smashing half of it. You couldn’t cut this thing all the way through?
(Damn, English sense of humor.)
- Knowing that explaining something really slowly to stupid people doesn’t make them understand it any better.
- Wishing the bottle of body wash would run out so I can use a new fragrance.
- Having music shame. Definition: Rocking out to Iggy Azalea at the gym. When someone asks what I’m listening to, I say Adele.
- Never finding my name on the personalized Coke bottles.
(I’m always just the friend.)
- Not knowing if I pulled a chest muscle, or if I’m experiencing heart failure.
- Never being quite sure what to do with my hands if someone’s talking to me while I’m standing up.
There. Now you can go back to bed!