Maybe I need to cut back on the caffeine, but I seem more irritable than usual. Could be a lack of sleep. Could be low levels of sugar (probably not). Could be Tuesday. Could be the cold. Could be too many things driving me crazy, such as:

• Taking off a sweaty sports bra. I basically have to dislocate my shoulders to get the damn thing over my head.
• Magazines with a special “flipped” section, so half of the magazine is upside-down. It’s stupid. Not special.
• Puncture weeds that find their way into my carpet–and the soles of my bare feet.

(They look like devil heads–and they hurt like hell when you step on them.)

• Stabbing my eyeball with a mascara wand.
• Biting into the frozen center of a “cooked” microwave meal.
• The insane line at Texas Roadhouse–and their stupid “call ahead” ploy that never gets you in sooner.
• The people who dropped off a couch and entertainment center on the corner next to our house. In the snow.

(Freakin’ rednecks.)

• Dirty, gray, concrete-style snow leftover from December’s first snowfall.
• The sound made by a fork as it scrapes against a plate. Ewwwwwwwwww.
• Blowing my nose 1,000 times a day.
• The Fitbit my husband bought me for Christmas. Now, at 10 p.m., I find myself running laps through the house, trying to get my damn 10,000 daily steps in.

(Fitbit: The T-Rex of exercise equipment.)

• People so enthusiastic, energetic, dynamic, tireless, bouncy and unrelenting that you need to punch them behind the knees to make them stop moving.
• Mirrors.
• The price of Girl Scout Cookies.

That’s all. Please resume your Tuesday.