Things Driving Me Crazy Today

Didn’t we just survive Tuesday one week ago? It’s back already?

There are only two ways to keep it together on Tuesday: 1) Go back to bed, or 2) hear me whine about what’s driving me crazy today.

  • Standing in line at Café Rio, silently practicing my order.
  • When the dishwasher breaks and I think, that’s okay, washing dishes by hand is therapeutic. But two days later I’m just throwing plates and shit away because I hate washing dishes.
  • 3 a.m.
  • When my zipper comes unzipped at the bottom.

zipper

(You had one thing to do, zipper.)

  • Running up the basement stairs so the monsters don’t get me. Still.
  • Repeating a favorite song so many times that I start hating it.
  • Not having time for a much-needed mental breakdown.
  • Trying to pry apart an English muffin without smashing half of it.  You couldn’t cut this thing all the way through?

English

(Damn, English sense of humor.)

  • Knowing that explaining something really slowly to stupid people doesn’t make them understand it any better.
  • Wishing the bottle of body wash would run out so I can use a new fragrance.
  • Having music shame. Definition: Rocking out to Iggy Azalea at the gym. When someone asks what I’m listening to, I say Adele.
  • Never finding my name on the personalized Coke bottles.

friend

(I’m always just the friend.)

  • Not knowing if I pulled a chest muscle, or if I’m experiencing heart failure.
  • Never being quite sure what to do with my hands if someone’s talking to me while I’m standing up.
  • Avocados.

There. Now you can go back to bed!

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