When I was five, I decided to be a ballerina. However, Ballet West wasn’t hiring kindergarteners, so I had to put my dream on hold for a while. But I danced.  I danced for eight more years before realizing most ballerinas weren’t 5’9″ with size 10 feet. It was a horrible moment when I understood I would never dance the pas de deux (French for “graceful stumbling”) from Swan Lake.

(My bible for 13 years.)

So I stopped dancing, but continued to love ballet. My husband would rather undergo a bone marrow transplant than watch a ballet, so I’ve endured a ballet drought for years. But now I have granddaughters. I took my 10-year-old granddaughter to her first ballet in the newly renovated Capitol Theatre to watch Ballet West’s The Sleeping Beauty.

(Only in ballet is floating around in a big leaf acceptable.)

It was beautiful. The costumes were gorgeous, and everything was wonderful–except:

1. The man behind me who kept reading his program using his cell phone as a flashlight. I turned around to give him my Angry Mom glare. He was oblivious.

2. The woman who brought her TWO-YEAR-OLD to a TWO HOUR ballet. What the hell were you thinking? And when the child started shrieking during the last act, the mother WOULD NOT TAKE HIM OUT OF THE THEATER. “Hello, ma’am. Do you mind if I taze your screaming child?”

3. Unless you’re willing to fork out big bucks, your seats will be crap. I spent $100 for two tickets. Our seats were placed directly behind the big heads of the people in front of us. I could see half of the stage fine, but my granddaughter had a very obstructed view.

(Picture this with a great big head covering the dancer.)

4. The Final Act went on forever and ever. It didn’t help that a toddler was screeching like a cat in heat, but on top of that, it seemed EVERY dancer in the ballet had to perform a solo/duet. We get it. It’s a wedding. People are celebrating. Move on. Sheesh.

5. Parking. Like everything in Salt Lake City, parking is unusually difficult. Luckily, I found a spot where we only had to walk five blocks, go up seven flights of stairs and run across several busy streets. Plus, Capitol Theatre doesn’t validate. Boo.

But I’m all in for the next ballet!