Men. Reading this blog could save you from being murdered to death by your spouse, sister, mother or female co-worker. If at any point in your life you walked by a woman, noticed her expression and told her to smile, you are in extreme danger. I’m not shitting you. Your coffee is probably being poisonedContinue reading “Just Smile: An R-Rated Rant”
Tag Archives: Humor
Halloween for Dummies: Top 5 Tips For a Successful Holiday
Some people live in countries (or states) where Halloween is ignored because people believe it’s based on Satanic rituals and pagan beliefs. They might have a small Jesus-themed trunk-or-treat event in a church parking lot, handing out mini New Testaments, before heading home for a family sing-a-long. But in Utah (home of pagan beliefs) we celebrate HalloweenContinue reading “Halloween for Dummies: Top 5 Tips For a Successful Holiday”
Things Driving Me Crazy Today
I realized it’s been a while since I’ve posted a Things Driving Me Crazy Today blog. Does that mean I’m more tolerant of the insane behavior around me? Nope. It just means I’ve been living in frustrated anguish, but once I vomit-blog my list I’ll feel much better. Here are the Things Driving Me CrazyContinue reading “Things Driving Me Crazy Today”
Another World’s End False Alarm
If you’re reading this, the world didn’t end yesterday. Or maybe it did end and your hell is being forced to read my blog for eternity. Anyway. Once again, we’ve survived a predicted apocalypse and I’m getting pretty tired of preparing for the end of the world only to wake up and find that I have toContinue reading “Another World’s End False Alarm”
What’s In My Bag?
Why is it suddenly cool to stick our noses into a celebrity’s carry-all? Fashion magazines devote pages to discovering the secrets in a movie star’s purse. Do you really want to know that Meredith Vieira hauls around dog treats and a machete in her $800 bag? Or do you care that Lady Gaga carries pints ofContinue reading “What’s In My Bag?”
Questions I’m Often Asked
Now that I’m a super-famous blogger, I’m always getting stopped in the street and asked questions. Usually those questions are along the lines of, “Can you get out of my way, ma’am?” or “What the hell are you doing?” but once in a while, someone surprises me with a true inquiry. Because I don’t knowContinue reading “Questions I’m Often Asked”
Things I Don’t Clean (Don’t Judge Me, You Judging Judgers)
In a previous life, I must have been an overworked, underpaid maid, because in my current life, I have no desire to clean anything. To avoid health department citations (and rats) I do the bare minimum required to keep cholera and typhus out of my home, but that’s the extent of my housekeeping. Unfortunately, I’ve learned there are LOTS ofContinue reading “Things I Don’t Clean (Don’t Judge Me, You Judging Judgers)”
Top 5 Ways To Stay Awake During Afternoon Meetings
Even if you’ve been freebasing Mountain Dew Voltage, eating sugar straight from the bag, or enduring a 5-Hour Energy Drink enema, chances are, if you’re stuck in an afternoon meeting, you will fall asleep. It doesn’t matter if you’re attending a conference in Disneyworld, enduring a church meeting on a warm summer day or sittingContinue reading “Top 5 Ways To Stay Awake During Afternoon Meetings”
Back-To-School Guide from A to Z
To quote the great Yogi Berra, “I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.” Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s turn our attention to all the things that need to be done before your adorable children head back to school. You’ve hadContinue reading “Back-To-School Guide from A to Z”
Things That Make Me Happy
I’m a pretty happy person. I’m realistically optimistic and usually expect the best. But I can also be a bit moody (“What the hell does THAT mean?”) and can get gloomy if I find myself doing the same thing over and over again. I’m also pretty good at cheering myself up. I have lots of go-toContinue reading “Things That Make Me Happy”
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