If you’re reading this, the world didn’t end yesterday. Or maybe it did end and your hell is being forced to read my blog for eternity.

Anyway. Once again, we’ve survived a predicted apocalypse and I’m getting pretty tired of preparing for the end of the world only to wake up and find that I have to go to work. I thought world-ending collapse would at least get me a couple days off.

During the few years that I’ve written this blog, we (as humanity) have survived several earth-ending scenarios. I already wrote about a couple of those events in Top 5 Reasons the World Didn’t End and Why the World Won’t End This Year, so I’ve had to stretch my mind to find another disaster-specific blog topic about the End of Times. I discovered Preppers.

Preppers are not (as I mistakenly assumed) upscale students, prone to wearing branded clothing to impress their underlings. Preppers are dedicated to surviving disasters through vast and over-the-top preparations for every possible apocalyptic scenario.

Their website boasts topics like (and I’m not making this up):

• Misconceptions About Prepping for a Nuclear Attack (Misconception #1: You can survive a nuclear attack.)
• Preparing for the Coming Clash of Civilizations (I’m not sure which civilization we’ll be clashing with. Aliens? Dinosaurs?)
• Here’s How You’ll Die When the Shit Hits the Fan (Great title for a kids book, just in time for Christmas.)
• Ten Ways to Fool the Authorities (That sounds like a great idea.)
• Nine Tips for Preppers With Non-Prepper Spouses (That’s a sure-fire way to spend the apocalypse sleeping on the couch.)
• Survival Bread recipe (It doubles as a truncheon.)
• Cooking Without Electricity (I do that all the time. I call it ordering pizza.)

• 18 Off-grid Uses for Tin Cans (One of these ideas is a Hobo Alarm. Still not joking.)
• 10 Awesome Rubber Band Tricks (This only works if we’re invaded by pretend cowboys with wooden guns.)
• How to Train Your Chickens (Because dancing chickens will come in handy after the end of the world.)
• Are you Fit Enough to Escape? (Have they seen Americans lately? We’re too lazy to escape an open elevator.)
• North American Spider Identification.

For more fun and laughs, wait for the next predicted catastrophic, calamitous, devastating event that will probably involve a virus attack from Neptune and the unveiling of Taylor Swift as the leader of the Neptunians. If you’re interested in learning how to make acorn coffee or turn a coffee can into a machete, check out http://www.prepperwebsite.com.