Trump adviser and covert-appliance specialist Kellyanne Conway recently warned Americans that the CIA has discovered a way to turn microwaves into cameras with the intent to gather delicious data on the populace. As an entity, the CIA shit a brick after learning Conway spilled the beans on the entire spying scheme. (I always thought theContinue reading “Kitchen Counterintelligence”
Tag Archives: Humor
Lazy Ways to Improve Your Marriage
So you have a spouse. Now what do you do? Marriage is much more than mindlessly irritating the person you love for the rest of your life. Marriage is a sacred bond that states you promise to listen to your spouse chew his/her food until the day you die. But how do you make itContinue reading “Lazy Ways to Improve Your Marriage”
Things Trump Should Ban
While The Donald sits in the Oval Office signing executive orders meant to divert and distract our attention, I wake up each morning waiting to see if we’ve nuked anyone yet. So far, so good. But with all his power, it seems Trump is completely focused on the wrong things to ban. There are much worseContinue reading “Things Trump Should Ban”
Hell to the Chief
It’s inevitable. In 10 days, a gold and diamond encrusted ShitMobile will usher the new First Family into the White House. Barring a Colorado-sized asteroid hitting the planet, chances are the new Commander in Chief will kick off the next four years of tyranny. . . um, I mean . . . what do IContinue reading “Hell to the Chief”
Irreplaceable: Carrie Fisher
A piece of my heart died on Tuesday when I heard Carrie Fisher had passed away. She changed my childhood and rewrote what it meant to be a powerful woman. When I was a young girl, Princess Leia was everything I wanted to be. Brassy and brave, and full of swagga while carrying a blaster andContinue reading “Irreplaceable: Carrie Fisher”
An Open Letter to Santa 2016
Dear Santa, I fear we’ve miscommunicated. I thought we agreed there were certain people on your list who would NOT be given the gift of the United States presidency. Maybe when I specifically asked you to “Give him coal” you heard, “Let’s bring back coal.” Perhaps when I said, “Protect women’s rights” you were certainContinue reading “An Open Letter to Santa 2016”
Top 5 Humor Writing Tips
People sometimes ask me, “How do you write funny?” I’m not sure if they mean my writing is humorous or the way I write is hilarious. So, I usually stare at these people until they wander off. If they’re asking how I come up with funny topics and put them on paper (or screen), I share myContinue reading “Top 5 Humor Writing Tips”
American Horror Story
It’s finally here: Election Day 2016. The day dawned like any normal Tuesday, which means it sucked from the get-go. Of course it’s gone steadily downhill. We’ve endured it all. Hillary’s the Antichrist. Secretary Clinton with her emails and evil foundation with world leaders in her pocket; with her disingenuous smile and faux love for all mankind.Continue reading “American Horror Story”
Things I’m Not Going to Do Today
People are obsessed with to-do lists. I don’t get it. Why start your day with an entire page of things you MUST get done before your head can hit the pillow at night? Sounds like a recipe for madness. Here’s what I do instead: I make a list of things I refuse to do soContinue reading “Things I’m Not Going to Do Today”
Things Driving Me Crazy Today
Let’s see. So much to choose from. Between the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Election 2016 and the upcoming Catastrophonic Winter, there’s no end to what’s driving me crazy. But to spare you hours of reading time, I narrowed it down to these: When I wake up five minutes before the alarm goes off. When I realizeContinue reading “Things Driving Me Crazy Today”
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