(For Star Wars nerds.) Summer means BBQs which means getting corn-on-the-cob stuck between my teeth and coming down with salmonella poisoning from all the meat and salads left on the patio for hours. It means watching flies land on the watermelon, and ice-cream bars melting down my forearms. But no matter how much I loveContinue reading “Things I’ll Never Say at a BBQ”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
The Sinning Yogi
I guess now there’s an eighth deadly sin: yoga. According to a Catholic bishop in Nebraska, women who practice yoga are putting their souls at risk while becoming daaaammn flexible. He calls yoga “a pagan religion based on heathen beliefs.” I guess that explains why every time I practice yoga I get the urge to sacrifice aContinue reading “The Sinning Yogi”
Idioms for Dummies
It would be fair to assume the word “idiom” meant “a gathering of idiots.” But you would be wrong. Funny, but wrong. An idiom is an expression whose figurative meaning is different from its literal meaning. For instance, to rub someone the wrong way means you’ve annoyed someone, not that you suck at giving massages.Continue reading “Idioms for Dummies”
Things to Know Before Moving to Utah
So you’ve been suckered in by the astounding beauty, the majestic mountains and the plethora of frozen yogurt shops. You’ve decided to relocate to The Beehive State (which is an apt motto since everyone here is basically a drone trying to get buzzed). But before you take the leap and immerse yourself in Utah culture,Continue reading “Things to Know Before Moving to Utah”
Thankful to Have Been ‘Just a Mom’
(The creatures who made me a mom.) For years I was just a mom. When people asked what I did for a living, I’d respond, “I’m just a stay-at-home mom.” Ironically, I was never home. I was shuttling kids to and from softball, swimming, dance, school and the mall. I spent approximately 20 years living inContinue reading “Thankful to Have Been ‘Just a Mom’”
May Movie Previews
The country is experiencing a drought. Not the “Oh, we have no water,” kind of drought; the “Oh, there have been no good movies for months and my brain needs something stimulating, provocative and intelligent to watch before it liquefies and leaks out of my nostrils.” That kind of drought. The last movie I sawContinue reading “May Movie Previews”
Donate Now and Help a Stranger
What do you do with all the gallons of leftover breast milk your child just won’t drink? You donate it. Yep, joining the ranks of blood banks, hair donation, sperm firms, organ transplants and plasma, you can now donate breast milk. (Well, not me. And probably not most men.) I guess you just walk intoContinue reading “Donate Now and Help a Stranger”
Ways to Stay Humble During a Book Signing
As all of you have heard (too many times), I recently published a compilation of humor columns surprisingly titled, “Life and Laughter.” Because I now have several cases of books in my garage, I decided to hold a book signing at a local book store* to get rid of several copies of my non-best-selling collection.Continue reading “Ways to Stay Humble During a Book Signing”
It’s National Women’s History Month. Whatever.
How cute of men to designate March as National Women’s History Month. Because we’re not quite patronized enough. For every Eleanor Roosevelt or Florence Nightingale recognized for their contributions to society, there are millions of smart, creative, wise women who live below the radar, undervalued and oppressed. Maybe men feel that if they give usContinue reading “It’s National Women’s History Month. Whatever.”
My Favorite Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe
You really can’t go wrong with chocolate chip cookies. I’ve been following this recipe for more than 30 years, and the cookies are magnificent every single time; although they’re not always edible. Just follow these easy steps for delicious cookies (and a kitchen full of mess) in less than an hour. Although the main charactersContinue reading “My Favorite Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe”
perikinder.com 