The Sinning Yogi

I guess now there’s  an eighth deadly sin: yoga. According to a Catholic bishop in Nebraska, women who practice yoga are putting their souls at risk while becoming daaaammn flexible.

He calls yoga “a pagan religion based on heathen beliefs.” I guess that explains why every time I practice yoga I get the urge to sacrifice a goat at midnight while eating Ben & Jerry’s Devil’s Food Chocolate Sorbet. I just thought I was menopausal.

drevil

(Hmmm. Riiiight.)

The bishop warns women that regular yoga exercise will place the Catholic faith in danger. And he said it THIS YEAR! 2015! Not 1567! The anti-yoga leader suggests women find different ways to exercise; ways that will not invite the demons of hell to invade our minds and/or bodies.

So what choices do us yoga-practicing she-devils have? If I’m going to exorcise (or exercise) my demons, I guess I’ll have to do something that completely removes my body from the equation if I don’t want to attract Satan and his minions. I suppose sitting properly on a church pew is the best (and most Satan-free) kind of exercise!

And it’s not just yoga I need to stop doing in order to save my soul. I need to stop wearing yoga pants because Beelzebub LOVES it when women wear tight yoga pants. At least that’s what a group of ladies have decided. I guess these naughty sex leggings cause men to have lustful thoughts—so no more yoga pants . (Note to anti-yoga-pants ladies: some men would have lustful thoughts if we wore sofa cushions to practice yoga.)

Really people? Haven’t we gotten past the idea that a woman’s clothing determines her level of evilness? I noticed these ladies haven’t decided to stop wearing bathing suits, shorts, tight jeans or high heels, so I guess it’s just yoga pants that garner the attention of the Prince of Darkness. Good to know.

I thought long and hard (giggity) about these concerns raised (giggity) by the Catholic bishop and these anti-Lycra women. After much contemplation, I’ve decided to continue with my yoga practice that teaches me patience, kindness, forgiveness, love, non-judgement, acceptance and optimism.

And I’m going to find the tightest pair of yoga pants on the planet. Namaste.

ass

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2 thoughts on “The Sinning Yogi

  1. Thank you for your humorous comments on this absurd article. I love how it singles out women in the sins of yoga and the corruption of catholic teachings. And men have no doing in this. I love it pointing out that we, as yoga practitioners, are reverting the old pagan ways. I ask, where do you think most of catholic practices come from? Memory and clear thinking. I guess practicing yoga is a sin if they don’t want people to remember these things. What ever…

    Like

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