I guess now there’s  an eighth deadly sin: yoga. According to a Catholic bishop in Nebraska, women who practice yoga are putting their souls at risk while becoming daaaammn flexible.

He calls yoga “a pagan religion based on heathen beliefs.” I guess that explains why every time I practice yoga I get the urge to sacrifice a goat at midnight while eating Ben & Jerry’s Devil’s Food Chocolate Sorbet. I just thought I was menopausal.

(Hmmm. Riiiight.)

The bishop warns women that regular yoga exercise will place the Catholic faith in danger. And he said it THIS YEAR! 2015! Not 1567! The anti-yoga leader suggests women find different ways to exercise; ways that will not invite the demons of hell to invade our minds and/or bodies.

So what choices do us yoga-practicing she-devils have? If I’m going to exorcise (or exercise) my demons, I guess I’ll have to do something that completely removes my body from the equation if I don’t want to attract Satan and his minions. I suppose sitting properly on a church pew is the best (and most Satan-free) kind of exercise!

And it’s not just yoga I need to stop doing in order to save my soul. I need to stop wearing yoga pants because Beelzebub LOVES it when women wear tight yoga pants. At least that’s what a group of ladies have decided. I guess these naughty sex leggings cause men to have lustful thoughts—so no more yoga pants . (Note to anti-yoga-pants ladies: some men would have lustful thoughts if we wore sofa cushions to practice yoga.)

Really people? Haven’t we gotten past the idea that a woman’s clothing determines her level of evilness? I noticed these ladies haven’t decided to stop wearing bathing suits, shorts, tight jeans or high heels, so I guess it’s just yoga pants that garner the attention of the Prince of Darkness. Good to know.

I thought long and hard (giggity) about these concerns raised (giggity) by the Catholic bishop and these anti-Lycra women. After much contemplation, I’ve decided to continue with my yoga practice that teaches me patience, kindness, forgiveness, love, non-judgement, acceptance and optimism.

And I’m going to find the tightest pair of yoga pants on the planet. Namaste.