Trump adviser and covert-appliance specialist Kellyanne Conway recently warned Americans that the CIA has discovered a way to turn microwaves into cameras with the intent to gather delicious data on the populace. As an entity, the CIA shit a brick after learning Conway spilled the beans on the entire spying scheme. (I always thought theContinue reading “Kitchen Counterintelligence”
Author Archives: Peri Kinder
Lazy Ways to Improve Your Marriage
So you have a spouse. Now what do you do? Marriage is much more than mindlessly irritating the person you love for the rest of your life. Marriage is a sacred bond that states you promise to listen to your spouse chew his/her food until the day you die. But how do you make itContinue reading “Lazy Ways to Improve Your Marriage”
Things Trump Should Ban
While The Donald sits in the Oval Office signing executive orders meant to divert and distract our attention, I wake up each morning waiting to see if we’ve nuked anyone yet. So far, so good. But with all his power, it seems Trump is completely focused on the wrong things to ban. There are much worseContinue reading “Things Trump Should Ban”
Top 5 Reasons I Feel Bad For Melania Trump
When the KGB approached Melania Trump and “encouraged” her to seduce Donald Trump so they could infiltrate American high society, she jumped at the chance. But now her life has taken a dark twist. She’s the new First Lady. (The happy First Family) I wonder if Trump and Melania discussed his idea to run for presidentContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons I Feel Bad For Melania Trump”
2017: Year of the Woman
Declaring 2017 to be the Year of the Woman, I googled “Men doing good things for women” to get examples of equality and understanding. Instead, the first page offered topics like “10 things men LOVE women to do during hot sex” and “8 things men wished women knew about sex.” Heavy sigh. This only re-emphasizes howContinue reading “2017: Year of the Woman”
Hell to the Chief
It’s inevitable. In 10 days, a gold and diamond encrusted ShitMobile will usher the new First Family into the White House. Barring a Colorado-sized asteroid hitting the planet, chances are the new Commander in Chief will kick off the next four years of tyranny. . . um, I mean . . . what do IContinue reading “Hell to the Chief”
Irreplaceable: Carrie Fisher
A piece of my heart died on Tuesday when I heard Carrie Fisher had passed away. She changed my childhood and rewrote what it meant to be a powerful woman. When I was a young girl, Princess Leia was everything I wanted to be. Brassy and brave, and full of swagga while carrying a blaster andContinue reading “Irreplaceable: Carrie Fisher”
An Open Letter to Santa 2016
Dear Santa, I fear we’ve miscommunicated. I thought we agreed there were certain people on your list who would NOT be given the gift of the United States presidency. Maybe when I specifically asked you to “Give him coal” you heard, “Let’s bring back coal.” Perhaps when I said, “Protect women’s rights” you were certainContinue reading “An Open Letter to Santa 2016”
Top 5 Christmas Party Games
Everyone loves a good party game (except introverts and cats). A fun game gets guests mingling and talking to each other. (Never mind. Christmas games sound like hell.) But if you insist on tormenting your party goers with games, at least get creative. Here are the Top 5 Christmas Party Games for you to try thisContinue reading “Top 5 Christmas Party Games”
Elf on the Shelf: The Interview
Following a marketing strategy of epic proportions, Elf on the Shelf (EOTS) has become a holiday tradition. The concept? EOTS spies on children, then flies to the North Pole each night between Thanksgiving and Christmas to give Santa a full report on the children’s behavior. Every morning he returns to the home and hides soContinue reading “Elf on the Shelf: The Interview”
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