2017: Year of the Woman

strongwomen

Declaring 2017 to be the Year of the Woman, I googled “Men doing good things for women” to get examples of equality and understanding.

Instead, the first page offered topics like “10 things men LOVE women to do during hot sex” and “8 things men wished women knew about sex.”

Heavy sigh.

This only re-emphasizes how men seem to only relate to women on a sexual basis. Not as humans, but as toys. Maybe this explains the recent abhorrent behavior that includes efforts to shut down Planned Parenthood clinics, a woman’s right to abortion or contraception being hindered, police departments destroying untested rape kits and the fact that a misogynistic, pussy-grabbing caveman is the leader of our country.

Women are furious. Don’t blame our hormones. Blame a society that continues to devalue our talents and abilities. We’re sad. Not because it’s “That time of the month” but because it’s heartbreaking to see inequality and sexism continue in another generation of young people.

We’ve focused on raising our daughters to be brave and bold like our sons, but we need to raise our sons to be empathetic and kind like our daughters. We need our sons and grandsons to understand that respecting women goes far beyond opening doors, it’s about being seen and treated as equals.

Female celebrities are embracing the cause:

  • After President-Elect Trump’s “Nasty woman” comment to Hillary Clinton during a debate, Samantha Bee made “Nasty Woman” a rallying cry–and a super-cool T-shirt.
  • Jennifer Aniston, firing back at tabloid news agencies, explained she doesn’t need a husband and children to be complete.
  • Amy Schumer shut down the haters when it was announced she would be in the new Barbie movie.schumer

“We need to laugh at the haters and sympathize with them. They can scream as loud as they want. We can’t hear them because we are getting shit done. I am proud to lead by example.”–Amy Schumer

  • Olympic Gold Medalist Simone Biles stated, “I’m not the next Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps. I’m the first Simone Biles.”
  • In her heartbreaking concession speech, Hillary Clinton said, “To all the little girls watching…never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world.”
  • And Michelle Obama, one of the country’s strongest leaders, stated, “No country can ever truly flourish if it stifles the potential of its women and deprives itself of the contributions of half of its citizens.”

womensmarch

This Saturday, thousands of women around the country will march in conjunction with The Women’s March on Washington. They march to send a message to the new president that women’s rights are human rights. They march to let the world know that we are rising and men need to stop holding us down out of fear we’ll fly higher than they ever imagined. What could we accomplish if men actually encouraged our flight?

“America is still a great country and it is still worth fighting for. . .  And if Ms. Rodham’s not in the White House that’s okay — one of those girls is going to be. We still have millions of Nasty Women who aren’t going away, and as long as women over 25 are still allowed on television, I’ll be here, cheering them on.”–Samantha Bee

 

Back-To-School Guide from A to Z

To quote the great Yogi Berra, “I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s turn our attention to all the things that need to be done before your adorable children head back to school.

You’ve had three months to get your s*** together, and you know you didn’t. But that’s okay. I’ve made a handy list you can stick on your fridge to help you stay organized during the next week or so. Good luck, and remember, alcohol is never the answer. (Unless the question is, “What can I get you to drink?”)

school

Act sad.

Buy too many school supplies.

Clean rooms to find socks and toothbrushes.

Don’t appear too excited.

Encourage earlier bedtimes.

Forage in closets for salvageable back-to-school items.

Grumble about the cost of new shoes.

Hail the benefits of hand-me-downs.

Invest in an expensive lunch box set that will be used exactly ONE time.

Jump for joy (when the kids aren’t around).

Kiss your homework-free evenings goodbye.

Lament the end of summer by eating an entire peach pie.

Mitigate the argument about, “All the other kids can stay up as long as they want.”

Negotiate a peace treaty between your daughters.

Ogle the beautiful fall fashions, and wish you could get some back-to-school outfits for yourself.

Prepare for the deluge of permission slips, disclaimers, waivers, applications, donation requests and registration forms.

Quietly discard the hundreds of water guns in your home.

Relocate the jars of snails, caterpillars, potato bugs and ladybugs your kids have collected over the summer.

Secure a home equity loan to pay for school and activity fees.

Throw a Back-to-School family dinner.

Unveil the new job chart for the year.

Vocalize concern about your daughter’s back-to-school eyebrow piercing.

Weep as your kindergartner, new junior high student and/or high school senior goes to school.

X-axis fear sets in as you realize you have a child taking geometry.

Yawn and decided you’ll tackle everything tomorrow.

Zzzzzzzzzz

 

Ask Me About My Temper

hulk

(“Peri angry!”)

I applied for a job recently, and was asked the strangest question: What can you tell me about your temper?

I wasn’t sure what he meant. Did he mean my temper when my dog eats the couch cushions, or my temper when my husband spends the weekend watching the Golf Channel? Was he talking about the time I yelled at my daughter for writing swear words on the floorboards? Or how about the time I lost it when a Walmartian pooped on aisle 12 (true story)?

It made me wonder if I had this inner Hulk raging inside my soul. I don’t feel angry. I don’t think I get mad often. I decided to ask my family.

“Do I have a temper?” I asked my husband.

“Is this a trick question?”

“What does that mean,” I asked, giving him my best pissed-off wife glare. I guess that answered that.

“Do I have a temper?” I asked my daughter.

“Will you yell at me if I say yes?”

“Probably.”

“Then, nope. No temper at all.”

I tried calling my other daughters and siblings, but they had been forewarned and didn’t answer the phone. Even my dog wouldn’t look me in the eye when I asked him the question.

I think I have a much calmer temper now then I did 20 years ago. I haven’t thrown a pizza at anyone lately, and I can’t recall the last time I swore during a PTA meeting. But maybe that’s just repression. Maybe one day I’ll wake up, turn a brilliant shade of green, throw off the remnants of my shredded jammies and stomp through the city, yelling, “Who ate the last donut?!”

Good thing I didn’t get the job.

ANGRY

(The angry bird catches the worm.)