If you grew up during the ’70s (the 1970s–not the 1870s) then you’re lucky to be alive. The ’70s ushered in the heyday of processed foods, experimental products and sugar, sugar, sugar! The things our parents fed us have now been banned in most countries and labeled with the warning: “DO NOT CONSUME. Side effects include DEATH.” I’m notContinue reading “Proof Our Parents Tried to Kill Us”
Tag Archives: Humor
How To Be a Better Parent
Now that my daughters are “adults,” I can start telling other people how to raise their children. I can be one of those women with opinions about EVERY aspect of parenting, especially the ones I really sucked at. (The tall ones are my daughters. The short ones are my grandkids. They’re all perfect. Like me.) First,Continue reading “How To Be a Better Parent”
Ask Me About My Temper
(“Peri angry!”) I applied for a job recently, and was asked the strangest question: What can you tell me about your temper? I wasn’t sure what he meant. Did he mean my temper when my dog eats the couch cushions, or my temper when my husband spends the weekend watching the Golf Channel? Was heContinue reading “Ask Me About My Temper”
Top 5 Reasons to Avoid Parking Lots
When you’re 16 and handed a driver’s license, everything is fresh and lovely and exciting and free! You have no idea how much you’ll come to hate driving within a few years. No one tells you the real stress of driving doesn’t come from tailgaters, speed-demons or police lights in the rearview mirror. Real driving stress comes inContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons to Avoid Parking Lots”
Things Driving Me Crazy Today
Ah, Tuesday. That day between Monday and Wednesday that is as obnoxious as a 2-year-old with a megaphone. Besides having to get out of bed this morning, here are several other things driving me crazy today: Slobbering toothpaste onto my workout clothes. I’ve only been brushing my teeth for four decades. You’d think I’d figure itContinue reading “Things Driving Me Crazy Today”
Foods I’m Afraid to Eat
The American Academy of People Who Want To Scare the S*** Out Of Me (AAPWWSOM) frequently release lists of foods that will cause horrible pain and untimely death. These people need to get a different hobby because they have completely confused me when it comes to healthy eating. Granted, I like cookies, candy, pie and other sugar-ladenContinue reading “Foods I’m Afraid to Eat”
PR Things Driving Me Crazy
I tend to get lotsa, lotsa press releases sent to me, inviting me to everything from the AUTORAMA to the free pap smear clinic. (I declined both offers.) I get good media releases–and some really, really bad releases. If you send me a release, here are some good ways to make me hate you: Press releases WRITTEN IN ALLContinue reading “PR Things Driving Me Crazy”
Make Yourself at Home
I love staying in hotels, because (unless my house burned down) it usually means I’m out-of-town. And while I love staying in hotels, sometimes those hotels are . . . well . . . not exactly the best home-away-from-home. But that means I spend more time out of the hotel, enjoying new Mexican restaurants andContinue reading “Make Yourself at Home”
Gym Rat Definitions
Now that February is winding down, people will stop going to the gym. That’s good. Because for the last two months, the workout place near my home has been PACKED. Every year it’s the same. Resolutioners hit the treadmills and ellipticals for eight weeks–then quit. During the last few weeks, I’ve noticed distinct personality trendsContinue reading “Gym Rat Definitions”
Top 5 Things Driving Me Crazy At The Ballet
When I was five, I decided to be a ballerina. However, Ballet West wasn’t hiring kindergarteners, so I had to put my dream on hold for a while. But I danced. I danced for eight more years before realizing most ballerinas weren’t 5’9″ with size 10 feet. It was a horrible moment when I understood IContinue reading “Top 5 Things Driving Me Crazy At The Ballet”
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