I tend to get lotsa, lotsa press releases sent to me, inviting me to everything from the AUTORAMA to the free pap smear clinic. (I declined both offers.) I get good media releases–and some really, really bad releases. If you send me a release, here are some good ways to make me hate you:

• Press releases WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I am lazy. If I can’t copy/paste–this gets fed to my parakeet. (Euphemism for trashed. I made it up. Do you think it will catch on?)

(Chill out, PETA. It’s a photo.)

• Press releases without the time, date or location of an event. Maybe it’s a scavenger hunt and I’ll get clues in subsequent media releases. Or maybe I ignore you.
• Press releases with incomplete info. Don’t make me a) find a website, b) look up contact info, c) proofread your copy. Include everything (spelled correctly) in your release. Remember? I’m lazy.
• Don’t use exclamation points!! Not everyone is as excited about this blood drive as you are!!!! All !!!! will be deleted immediately!!!! And I will add one more pin to my PR voodoo doll!!!!!!!!
• Don’t send me quotes with no attribution. Am I supposed to guess who made this statement? If I have to guess, it will look like this, “Our staff is super, duper excited to sponsor this pie-eating contest,” said White House Correspondent Count von Count.

(You totally just laughed like the Count.)

• Don’t assume spell check caught all your errors. I’ve been notified about too many pubic hearings. That’s disturbing.
• Please use apostrophe’s correctly. Its damn irritating when its done in an erroneous’ manner. You’re copy looks bad. And your getting on my nerves.
• Check all URLs before sending the release. Many, many times the URL is incorrect, and then I have to look it up. Or I don’t. And . . . . ignore.
• Don’t use the word “literally.” It literally makes me want to hurt you.

I understand people make mistakes. I screw up on a regular basis. But please, please consider my laziness and ineptitude when contacting me about your next colon awareness 5K.