At the risk of whining about a first-world problem; buying a car sucks. Watching your previous car go up in flames sucks, too. But after the flames cooled on my Buick, I realized I had to face the clichéd car salesman. I considered the “get drunk and obnoxious” plan, but opted to go in with an open mind andContinue reading “Top 5 Steps to Buying a Car”
Author Archives: Peri Kinder
Best Reasons to Have a Birthday
Today’s my birthday! (I accept gift cards, cash or traveler’s checks.) I’ve always had a child-like love for birthdays–mainly because I like presents, cake and spankings. And even though I’m turning 45 (?!?!), I’m still kickin’. (And, by “kickin’” I mean I can get dressed without help, and feed myself. Usually.) Here are the best reasons to turnContinue reading “Best Reasons to Have a Birthday”
Top 5 Signs I Shouldn’t Be A Gardener
Everywhere I look, flowers are blooming. Unless I look at my yard, where plants are held hostage in my little death camp garden. I can not grow things. I’m like a foliage serial killer–without the cool TV series. (“The hedges needed a little. . . trimming.”) Some people use gardening as meditation, working the soil, feeling the freshContinue reading “Top 5 Signs I Shouldn’t Be A Gardener”
Top 5 Cool Things About My Dad
One year, mom bought dad a hammock for Father’s Day. As kids, we thought it was the perfect gift, and immediately took it over. I don’t remember dad lying in it–ever. Not because it was filled with kids, but because he was always tinkering, repairing, fiddling (not the music kind), mending or inventing. He always had something on the drawing board.Continue reading “Top 5 Cool Things About My Dad”
How to Tell if the CIA is Tracking You
Maybe those people with the tinfoil hats were right. I guess you’ve heard the claims that the U.S. Government used electronic surveillance to track “terrorists.” My first thought was, “Duh.” I assumed the CIA tracked us from the moment of our birth. But maybe tinfoil does keep the government from reading your mind. Because that’sContinue reading “How to Tell if the CIA is Tracking You”
Stores That Overwhelm Me
I hate making decisions. I hate choosing where to go for dinner, what movie to watch, what T-shirt to wear, etc. Makes it hard to live with me. (Just ask my husband.) But sometimes I’m faced with so many decisions, I just lie down on the floor and pull a rug over my head. ThisContinue reading “Stores That Overwhelm Me”
Top 5 Healthy Food Groups
I spent the holiday weekend eating. Non-stop. Things like pork enchiladas, Fat Kid pizza, Harry & David candies, Mrs. Field’s cookies, popcorn, margaritas, hamburgers and bacon. But I did have a fruit-cup on Monday morning . (Calories don’t count on holidays. Duh.) As many people do, I decided to wake up this morning (following a weekendContinue reading “Top 5 Healthy Food Groups”
Top 5 Things I Learned in Kindergarten
Kindergarten was pretty laid back when I was 5 years old. We weren’t pressured to actually learn anything; it was more of a social experiment. If we didn’t know basic shapes, colors or letters, our teacher assumed we’d learn what we needed from Sesame Street. So instead of being stressed, we played for a year beforeContinue reading “Top 5 Things I Learned in Kindergarten”
Attention Whore Techniques
We’ve all been in settings when one person dominates the conversation. You could be in the middle of delivering a eulogy, or a child, and attention whores will still steal your spotlight. Short of manslaughter, there are not many ways to stop them. They live in a world of their own. These people include: The Explainer: This personContinue reading “Attention Whore Techniques”
Top 5 Reasons I Hate My “Smart” Phone
I woke up recently and my beloved cell phone had a message for me. It said, “$#$@ you.” Then it rolled over and died. For good. I tried performing CPR but it was too late. I LOVED my old cell phone. It let me call people. It let me text people. That was it. That’sContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons I Hate My “Smart” Phone”
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