How to Survive a Road Trip

Hubbie and I hit the road last weekend to attend an economic summit in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. (I know, you’re supremely jealous.) Having driven this stretch of road before, I knew I could expect miles and miles of boring scenery–cows, barbed wire, more cows, weathered barns, did I mention cows?

Packing for a road trip can’t be taken lightly. You’re basically stranded for 5 hours with nothing to do. Sure, I could talk to my husband–but I can do that at home. So I do things I don’t usually indulge in, like:

  • Eating bags and bags of Twizzlers, Swedish Fish and trail mix. (Well, I also eat those at home, but because I’m traveling at 65 mph, the calories don’t stick.)
  • Reading trashy magazines. I usually persuade my hubbie to take the latest Cosmo quiz: Test Your Sexual IQ, Is He Devoted To You?, Are You Way To Good For Him? This usually ends up in a fight before we get to the freeway, so I just answer the questions for him. It’s easier that way.

quiz(Great way to initiate divorce proceedings.)

  • Catching up on sleep.  I forget that sleeping in a car is worse than dozing off on a plane. On a plane, you don’t  have to keep braking for cows, slow RVs or pedestrians. (I stopped braking for pedestrians when it was my turn to drive.)
  • Jammin’ to my tunes. Here’s where hubbie and I disagree.  His choice for traveling music: Kenny Loggins (Who?) My choice: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Tiesto and anything with a beat. (We sat in fuming silence for several dozen miles.)
  • Stopping at local diners for fresh fruit milkshakes, greasy onion rings, homemade burgers and Tums.

diner(Red Baron Drive-In, Afton, Wyoming. Where your gastrointestinal system goes to die.)

  • Getting to know local law enforcement. Officer: “Can I see your registration?” Me: “Nope. It’s stolen.” Officer: “Whose car is this?” Me: “I don’t know. The guy’s in the trunk. Ask him.” (Highway patrol officers have no sense of humor. Just sayin’.)
  • Using sagebrush as a toilet. (Self-explanatory. And gross.)

When someone says to you, “Getting there is half the fun!” Slap that person and book a flight for the return trip.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “How to Survive a Road Trip

  1. You nailed this one, Peri.
    Somehow the trip always starts out with such hope and you’ve aptly described how quickly it can all descend into the trip from hell.
    I’m glad you agree that food on the go means the calories don’t stick. I feel this way about mini candies, food on a plane or when I’m on vacation. This rule applies to wine too.
    This was just too funny.

    Like

  2. I loved this post, especially the Cosmo quiz ) beth

    Like

  3. Pack plenty of food for unexpected layovers… – The Donner Party

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s