Presidential candidates are sharpening their knives, honing their wit and polishing up their toothy smiles. With a possible Romney/Bush/Palin ticket, what could possibly go wrong? I have no desire to run for office. Zero. Zip. Nada. I’ve been watching the hilarious sitcom, Veep, where I’ve learned all kinds of ways to insert swear words into everyday conversation.Continue reading “Top 5 Reasons I’ll Never Run For Office”
Tag Archives: Top 5
Top 5 Steps for Handling an Awkward Conversation
We’ve covered the fact that I’m socially-disabled. I went into a sandwich shop for a turkey sub and the professional sandwich maker said she’d gone to high school with me. I’m terrible at remembering faces, so I asked her name. She said, “Remember? I’m so-and-so, from over by the junior high?” The name jiggled my memory slightly, but IContinue reading “Top 5 Steps for Handling an Awkward Conversation”
Top 5 Jobs Where I Would Suck
Someone asked me what my dream job would be. The ones that come to mind are a) best-selling author, b) world-traveling yoga instructor, and c) Girl Scout cookie tester. There has to be a job that encompasses all that. Right? Here are several jobs I could never do: Anything involving numbers: Math might as wellContinue reading “Top 5 Jobs Where I Would Suck”
Top 5 Reasons to Avoid Parking Lots
When you’re 16 and handed a driver’s license, everything is fresh and lovely and exciting and free! You have no idea how much you’ll come to hate driving within a few years. No one tells you the real stress of driving doesn’t come from tailgaters, speed-demons or police lights in the rearview mirror. Real driving stress comes inContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons to Avoid Parking Lots”
Top 5 Things Driving Me Crazy At The Ballet
When I was five, I decided to be a ballerina. However, Ballet West wasn’t hiring kindergarteners, so I had to put my dream on hold for a while. But I danced. I danced for eight more years before realizing most ballerinas weren’t 5’9″ with size 10 feet. It was a horrible moment when I understood IContinue reading “Top 5 Things Driving Me Crazy At The Ballet”
Top 5 Steps to Organizing Your Home
When I’m snowbound (think “The Shining”), I like to clear out my cluttered spaces; because clutter=claustrophobia=really grumpy Peri. (If he would have de-cluttered instead of going all murder-rage, he would have enjoyed winter a little more.) January is a great time to clean out the house. You’ve got cool new Christmas presents to find places for,Continue reading “Top 5 Steps to Organizing Your Home”
Top 5 Ways You Know Summer is Over
(Exactly how I feel about fall today.) I promised myself I would enjoy every single day of summer. I would slow down, smell the proverbial roses, sit in the sun and drink fruity drinks. Now, it’s September. I didn’t slow down, my roses are dead, I avoided the sun (due to a fear of skinContinue reading “Top 5 Ways You Know Summer is Over”
Top 5 Steps to Buying a Car
At the risk of whining about a first-world problem; buying a car sucks. Watching your previous car go up in flames sucks, too. But after the flames cooled on my Buick, I realized I had to face the clichéd car salesman. I considered the “get drunk and obnoxious” plan, but opted to go in with an open mind andContinue reading “Top 5 Steps to Buying a Car”
Top 5 Things I Learned in Kindergarten
Kindergarten was pretty laid back when I was 5 years old. We weren’t pressured to actually learn anything; it was more of a social experiment. If we didn’t know basic shapes, colors or letters, our teacher assumed we’d learn what we needed from Sesame Street. So instead of being stressed, we played for a year beforeContinue reading “Top 5 Things I Learned in Kindergarten”
Top 5 Reasons I Hate My “Smart” Phone
I woke up recently and my beloved cell phone had a message for me. It said, “$#$@ you.” Then it rolled over and died. For good. I tried performing CPR but it was too late. I LOVED my old cell phone. It let me call people. It let me text people. That was it. That’sContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons I Hate My “Smart” Phone”
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