(Exactly how I feel about fall today.)

I promised myself I would enjoy every single day of summer. I would slow down, smell the proverbial roses, sit in the sun and drink fruity drinks. Now, it’s September. I didn’t slow down, my roses are dead, I avoided the sun (due to a fear of skin cancer) and the only fruity drinks I enjoyed came in a juice box.

Now it’s too late. Here are the Top 5 Ways I can tell summer is officially over:

1–All the summer TV shows have ended. I always say, “I don’t watch much television” but I think I’m lying. I’ve been HEAVILY invested in what happens to completely made-up characters in shows like The Bridge, Newsroom, Falling Skies and Perception. Time for me to talk with some REAL people.

(More good-looking people surviving, yet another, alien invasion.)

2–It’s darker. And not just in my mind. No more waking up to birds singing and sunshine, now it’s waking up to the drone of school buses and total darkness. And Ringo the Dog gets walked with a flashlight.

3–The kids are tired of each other. When your kids start fighting about how their siblings are breathing too loud, when they’ve played every level of every video game, and when they’re so bored they watch you fold clothes, summer’s over.

4–No enthusiasm. When you say, “Who wants to go on a picnic?!” and you’re greeted with frosty stares and silence, that’s when you know it’s time to shove the kids back into a school classroom. Plus, they’re already planning their Halloween costumes.

(Halloween costumes at a summer picnic. Not a good sign.)

5–Along with leaves, magazines turn colors. Instead of the “How to Get a Beach Body” article, the cover story is, “How to Make a Halloween Centerpiece.” Nooooo!!!! Shorts and tank tops are stored away as bulky sweaters, jeans and boots get pulled out of closets.

I’m in denial. I’m sure there’s time for one more hike, one great big margarita or one more day in the sun (with shorts). I’m like the grasshopper having too much fun to prepare for cold weather (Aesop’s Fables, people. Read them.) But everywhere I turn, there are pumpkin candles, apple spice air fresheners, candy corn displays–and even Halloween costumes.

Even the trees are sad, with drooping limbs and falling leaves. Cheer up, trees! We can try again next summer.