Book Reviews: Boys Behaving Badly and a Lonely Old Woman

At any given time, I am involved in a novel. If I’m not reading something, you should probably check for a pulse.

During the last few weeks, I’ve read two books I thought I’d share with you–if only as a warning for the fainthearted.

The first book is SO well-written that it’s worth reading just for the author’s skill. “Skippy Dies” by Paul Murray is a brutal look at boys at a boarding school in Ireland and, as the title implies, Skippy dies. This is not a spoiler, it’s the title of the book and the boy dies in the first chapter–so don’t freak out on me. The rest of the story retraces the months before his death and the events leading up to that fateful day. It’s really long and took me a while to get into but it’s an interesting look at the choices we make and the consequences of those choices. With at least one dozen different perspectives, “Skippy Dies” covers every possible personality.

Skippy falls in love, his roommate is obsessed with multiple universes, a drug-dealing freako is out to get him and his history teacher is experiencing a mid-life crisis–in his early twenties. From Irish folklore to quantum physics, the novel is interesting and brilliant.

“Skippy Dies” is NOT for anyone easily offended. Graphic scenes detail the horrible things teens do to themselves and each other. Sex, drugs, psychopath characters and pedophile priests: It’s all in there. SO BE WARNED. But if our modern society has numbed you to lurid descriptions, then you might enjoy “Skippy Dies.” I gave it 3 1/2 starts (out of 5).

If you are afraid of getting old and living alone with your dog while your children live out-of-state and rarely visit, this book might not be for you. “Emily, Alone” by Stewart O’nan is a melancholy depiction of an elderly woman’s life and all the tiny details that make up her existence. She LIVES for phone calls from her kids and grandkids. An outing to the breakfast buffet each week with her sister-in-law is one thing she looks forward to. Her husband has been dead for years and she frequently attends funerals for her friends.

Regrets, fears, past experiences and frustrations make up most of Emily’s days. She’s basically waiting to die. Or waiting for her dog to die. Or waiting for her friends to die. Or eating waffles. Quite depressing (death–not waffles).

The author is really good at getting into the mind of an older woman, describing the things she worries about (getting rid of her husband’s luggage, not getting thank-you cards from her grandkids) and the book is well-written–just a little bit of a downer.

I think I’ll go look at cemetery plots. (3 stars)

If you’re reading something good (NOT Mary Higgins Clark, Danielle Steele or other serial authors), drop me a line and let me know!

Top 5 Reasons to Eat Chocolate Today

When I want chocolate–I want it immediately! No running to the store. No searching through cabinets. No whipping up a batch of brownies. A chocolate craving can hit at anytime of the day or night, so it’s best to be prepared with some good, quality chocolate that your spouse and kids will never find. That way, when the urge strikes, you can enjoy a delicious piece of chocolate without resorting to violence.

For those of you who don’t like chocolate, stop reading this post immediately and get off my blog! Just kidding. Sort of. Here are the top 5 reasons to eat chocolate today:

#1: Eating a bagful of Hershey’s kisses before each meal will help take the edge off your appetite. You’ll eat less at every meal and lose weight! A box of chocolates will supply all your caloric needs for the day in one convenient package!

#2: Enjoying a box of See’s chocolates (especially Nuts and Chews) is a much better alternative to child abuse. Did your daughter sluff school to be with her boyfriend? Did she forget to tell you she owes $150 in tardy fees? Lock yourself in the bathroom and forget your cares with a nice caramel or almond-nougat.

#3: Scientists have proven that eating one pound of chocolate per day will make you happier, help you relax, pay off your credit cards, heal the crappy economy, end world hunger and increase your IQ by 46 points. Not a bad deal.

#4: Chocolate does not taste like a) lima beans, b) Brussel sprouts, c) liver, d) anchovies.

#5: Chocolate is safe. You never hear of an outbreak of salmonella or e. coli caused by chocolate. Do you? Nope. It’s those “healthy” foods creating health alerts and causing people to be sick. Put down that spinach salad and pick up a Butterfinger bar.

Chocolate is good cooked, frozen, whipped, melted,  or fresh out of the package. It can be served year-round and is perfect in any season. With hot chocolate in the winter and Fudgesicles in the summer–you just can’t go wrong. Let’s see carrots do that.

Happy Mother’s Day

It’s been five months since cancer took my mom. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and thank her for the opportunity I had to be her daughter. My mom could be. . . how do I put it. . .stubborn. But she taught me how to love being a mom, and how to enjoy being alive.

Some of the best lessons my mom taught me (or tried to teach me that didn’t necessarily stick) include:

  • Never, never, never stop learning.
  • Keep track of your vacation money by using cash-filled envelopes for food, gas, souvenirs, etc. (Disclaimer: I don’t do this–We teased her mercilessly about it.)
  • Cook desserts from scratch using real butter and cream whenever possible. And it’s always possible.
  • Flip off slow drivers. (Not something I do, but my daughters have certainly picked it up.)
  • Friends come and go but family is there FOREVER. I don’t think she meant it as a threat. I could be wrong.
  • Laugh as often as possible and never take yourself too seriously.
  • Read something every day.
  • Christianity isn’t something you learn from a book. It’s something developed in the heart.
  • Plant flowers. (I did not inherit my mom’s green thumb. I plant flowers and they wither abruptly. However, my mom could make plastic plants blossom.)
  • Have good friends.
  • Live with joy until the very end.

This Mother’s Day is the first time in my life that I won’t be able to talk to mom and tell her I love and appreciate her. I hope wherever she is, she’s planting a garden, eating chocolate cake and reading a really good book. I love you and miss you, Mom.

Make sure to send love to your mom today.

Top 5 Reasons to Do Yoga

Some of you may know that by some crazy fluke, I’m a certified yoga instructor. Which is funny because when I first started doing yoga eight years ago, I HATED it. But I kept going back and now I get to be the one torturing, um, I mean, teaching yoga students. I LOVE teaching yoga!

Those of you out there who swear you’ll NEVER do yoga, I hope you’ll reconsider. People tell me all the time they’re too stiff or inflexible to do yoga. Ummmmmm. . . here’s a clue. It doesn’t get better unless you do SOMETHING.

So here are my Top 5 Reasons why you should give yoga a shot:

#1: You learn how to breathe

Yes, you’ve probably been breathing for most of your life, but yoga breathing is SO MUCH BETTER. As Yoda would say, “Power in your breath, there is.”

#2: You understand how to relax

In case you haven’t noticed, our society is a little tense. We dash from task to task like monkeys on meth. Yoga helps you s-l-o-w d-o-w-n and be mindful, present and calm. Kind of like a tranquilizer–but even better! You’ll learn to recognize when your body is hunched and tense. You’ll notice when your shoulders have risen up to attack your ears. You’ll understand that when you stop grinding your teeth–your headaches seem to disappear. It’s like magic!

#3: You get to practice patience

I know. NO ONE likes to practice patience because that usually means you’re faced with an impatient situation. Like life in general. Or teenagers. But as you practice yoga poses, you learn to be patient with your body and all its quirky imperfections. Yoga is not a destination but a life-long journey you get to enjoy. Pretty zen.

#4: You learn to listen to and love your body

Do you listen to your body when it’s so tired it wants to collapse? Or do you tell your body to “suck it up” and keep abusing it with sugar (yes), no sleep (usually) and strenuous exercise-induced injuries? Yoga teaches you to not only LISTEN to what your body is telling you, but to respect your body for everything it does.

The fact our bodies put up with us each day is reason enough to be grateful. If bodies could divorce us–we’d be so out of luck. After practicing yoga for a while, you’ll begin to hear your body (and not in a crazy I-talk-to-my-patio-furniture sort of way). But you’ll tell when you’re going to far–or not going far enough. You’ll be more in tune with your muscles, your breath (see #1) and your thoughts. It’s SO cool.

#5: You take the lessons from yoga into life

When you’re in a difficult yoga pose, trying to breathe, you learn that focus and breath can get you through almost anything–even childbirth (but I had TONS of cool medication when I gave birth, so I wouldn’t know). Here are some of the life lessons I’ve learned from yoga:

  • When you’re stressed–take five deep breaths.
  • When you’re spouse and/or kids are stressed–take five deep breaths.
  • Treat your body well and you’ll feel really good.
  • There is no such thing as the perfect body.
  • Stay present. Stay in the moment. This is it, folks.
  • Don’t live unconsciously.

So here’s my challenge for you today. Find  a yoga studio or fitness center that offers yoga classes and go. If you don’t like it, find another one. There are so many styles of yoga and so many different types of instruction. Keep going until you find the one that resonates with you.

Namaste (“The light in me, honors the light in you.”)

Things Driving Me Crazy Today

I can usually get through the week without experiencing too much mental trauma. But for some reason, this week has pushed me over the edge of psychological stability. Too many meetings? Not enough sugar? Who knows, but EVERYTHING this week makes my teeth grind.

Here are the top culprits today:

  • The pointy sponge on my eyeshadow applicator keeps flipping off and falling into the sink.
  • I’ve resolved to eat healthy today–so all I can think about is a glass of ice-cold Coca-Cola.
  • I keep humming “Disturbia” which is freakin’ disturbing.
  • Every TV station in the world is showing highlights of the royal wedding.
  • I’ve resolved to eat healthy today–so all I want is to eat the chocolate ears off my Easter bunny.
  • Utah weather.
  • Listening to my husband TALK about Utah weather.
  • Having to talk to auto mechanics about my broken turn signal.
  • Taking out a small loan to pay for  my broken turn signal.
  • My anti-wrinkle cream has stopped anti-wrinkling.
  •  I don’t have a maid.

Since tomorrow is Saturday, and I have NO meetings to attend, maybe my brain can relax and I can stop being pissy. Breakfast for tomorrow: Ice-cold Coke and Easter bunny ears.

Huzzah!!

Dead or Alive

I like to read. I read all the time. I’d rather read than do laundry. I’d rather read than go to the dentist or get a pap smear. I’d rather read than give birth. So on occasion in this blog I will share the book I’m reading and give it a review.

This past week I finished Tom Clancy’s new novel “Dead or Alive.” It weighs approximately 45 pounds and comes with its own shoulder harness to protect the lower back. I’ve always loved reading Clancy’s books. I love the idea that someone in the government has our backs–because I’m pretty sure that’s fiction. I like that the good guys win–even if sometimes bad things happen.

However.

“Dead or Alive” was boring. There wasn’t that hanging-on-the-edge-of-my-seat suspense that Clancy writes so well. I thought the writing was choppy, the story was bland and the characters were flat–except for the women, who always seem to have large chests. I trudged through 900 pages hoping it would get better–but it never did.

Give me “Hunt for Red October” or “Clear and Present Danger” and I’ll be in espionage heaven. But this one didn’t work. Too bad. But I’m not giving up on Clancy yet, maybe next time he’ll be back better than ever.

There’s my inexpert opinion. Let me know what you’re reading. I’m always looking for something new!

Pardon My French

If you heard vast amounts of cursing coming from the west side of the valley for the last few days, that would be me.

You see, I’ve been trying  to get this &#&%ing blog set up and if it weren’t for chocolate chip cookies and Southpark episodes, my computer would have been crushed under my garage door–repeatedly. My laptop likes to think for me. Since I’m not always thinking clearly–that’s not hard to do. But in THIS case, I wanted it to mind me. And it didn’t care. No amount of mouse banging, button pushing, cord wiggling or cupboard door slamming could make my computer work any faster.

Notice the little gallery of photos at the top of my blog? That took 48 HOURS of screeching until my lungs were scraped raw to make that work. Changing the font? An additional 12 hours of sobbing into my pillow. And don’t even ASK about how I added links. I’m still recovering.

So as AMAZING as this blog is today–expect changes as we go along. God help us.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started