When I want chocolate–I want it immediately! No running to the store. No searching through cabinets. No whipping up a batch of brownies. A chocolate craving can hit at anytime of the day or night, so it’s best to be prepared with some good, quality chocolate that your spouse and kids will never find. That way, when the urge strikes, you can enjoy a delicious piece of chocolate without resorting to violence.

For those of you who don’t like chocolate, stop reading this post immediately and get off my blog! Just kidding. Sort of. Here are the top 5 reasons to eat chocolate today:

#1: Eating a bagful of Hershey’s kisses before each meal will help take the edge off your appetite. You’ll eat less at every meal and lose weight! A box of chocolates will supply all your caloric needs for the day in one convenient package!

#2: Enjoying a box of See’s chocolates (especially Nuts and Chews) is a much better alternative to child abuse. Did your daughter sluff school to be with her boyfriend? Did she forget to tell you she owes $150 in tardy fees? Lock yourself in the bathroom and forget your cares with a nice caramel or almond-nougat.

#3: Scientists have proven that eating one pound of chocolate per day will make you happier, help you relax, pay off your credit cards, heal the crappy economy, end world hunger and increase your IQ by 46 points. Not a bad deal.

#4: Chocolate does not taste like a) lima beans, b) Brussel sprouts, c) liver, d) anchovies.

#5: Chocolate is safe. You never hear of an outbreak of salmonella or e. coli caused by chocolate. Do you? Nope. It’s those “healthy” foods creating health alerts and causing people to be sick. Put down that spinach salad and pick up a Butterfinger bar.

Chocolate is good cooked, frozen, whipped, melted,  or fresh out of the package. It can be served year-round and is perfect in any season. With hot chocolate in the winter and Fudgesicles in the summer–you just can’t go wrong. Let’s see carrots do that.