Trunks are super useful. If you’re an elephant, they’re a necessity. If you want to change a tire, hide Christmas gifts or transport a body, trunks are invaluable. But I don’t understand the connection between trunks and Halloween. Why is trunk-or-treating a thing? In the U.S., trick-or-treating started after WWII when children went door toContinue reading “Junk in the Trunk”
Tag Archives: Humor
Dressed to Kill
Every autumn, as I reconstructed our home after three months of child infestation, my daughters settled into their school classes and thoughts turned to Halloween. More specifically, thoughts turned to Halloween costumes. I’d load my girls into the minivan and we’d attack the pattern books at Joann fabric, looking for the perfect costumes. (These patternContinue reading “Dressed to Kill”
Things We Forget
There was a time, before we got all jaded and grumpy, that our main purpose was to have fun. As kids, we jumped out of bed every morning, eager to find the best ways to a) get candy, b) meet friends, c) watch cartoons and d) avoid chores at all costs. We had it allContinue reading “Things We Forget”
Darth Vader/Donald Trump
I’ve sensed a disturbance in society. A dark shadowy figure looms across the country, demanding loyalty from all those around him. A powerful force instigates unrest, encourages outrage and hate, and challenges his followers to embrace their inner rage to find their true destiny. This person could be Darth Vader. This person could be DonaldContinue reading “Darth Vader/Donald Trump”
Middle of the Night Musings
It’s 3 a.m. I’m awake. Again. My mind quivers like a raccoon on Red Bull, forcing me to think about a) Christmas shopping, b) the end of the world, c) my Halloween costume and d) wondering if I should throw Ringo the Dog outside because he’s been licking himself for hours. I’m also hot. Temperature hot, notContinue reading “Middle of the Night Musings”
Nonviolent Protest: A Primer
On Sunday, two dozen NFL teams demonstrated an act of nonviolent protest– and the country lost its shit. During the national anthem (you know, that five-minute block of time when you stock up on nachos and beer), NFL players either took a knee on the field or locked arms with teammates to show solidarity withContinue reading “Nonviolent Protest: A Primer”
Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Live in Florida
I took a summer break from writing this blog so I could have a mental breakdown. Now I can check that off my list of things to do and get back to some smart-ass blogging. As you’re aware, it’s hurricane season, and meteorologists around the country are having orgasms on live TV as they discussContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons I Don’t Live in Florida”
Top 5 Reasons to Avoid Yoga
No one told me once I started practicing yoga, it would destroy my life. I wish someone had mentioned the potential side effects before I took my first class. But it’s done and I can’t reverse the process. It would be like trying to un-melt a s’more. If you’ve considered starting a yoga practice, it’s onlyContinue reading “Top 5 Reasons to Avoid Yoga”
Top 5 Ways to Fix Healthcare
Congress is too worried about pissing off big medical, pharmaceutical and insurance companies to fix healthcare. Instead of curing a dying healthcare system, Congress sits on its chest slowly suffocating the life out of any reform. Maybe our representatives don’t see the populace walking towards them with torches and pitchforks, but we’re coming. If thoseContinue reading “Top 5 Ways to Fix Healthcare”
Top 5 PowerPoint Mistakes
Working for a government agency, and just living on planet Earth, I have suffered through PowerPoint presentations that could be listed as war crimes. Here are some tips on how to use PowerPoint in ways that don’t violate the Geneva Convention. Don’t go over time. There’s nothing worse than to hear a long-winded speaker say,Continue reading “Top 5 PowerPoint Mistakes”
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