Apocalypse Later

You might have heard the world was supposed to end a few days ago. I think news of our demise was premature. But Harold Camping, the 89-year-old Christian leader who predicted world’s end, is nowhere to be found. Was he taken to heaven in the Rapture? Is he hiding out at Baskin-Robbins, eating Death by Chocolate ice cream? Or is he busy re-calucating the end-date one more time?

I think there are probably a lot of reasons why the earth wasn’t destroyed on May 21. Here are the top five reasons I think we’re still here:

#1: We gained an extra life by killing Osama bin Laden.

#2: Superman found the gigantic Acme Rapture-o-Matic machine and unplugged it. Thanks, Superman.

#3: Because we’re all so self-absorbed, the world DID end and nobody noticed.

#4: Hello! It’s supposed to end on December 21, 2012. Just ask the thriving Mayan society.

#5: God is so sick of dealing with us that he’s in a galaxy far-far away enjoying a margarita by a cosmic pool. He figures we’ll destroy ourselves soon enough.

Whatever the reason, I’m glad to be here.