kids

Dressed to Kill

Every autumn, as I reconstructed our home after three months of child infestation, my daughters settled into their school classes and thoughts turned to Halloween. More specifically, thoughts turned to Halloween costumes. I’d load my girls into the minivan and we’d attack the pattern books at Joann fabric, looking for the perfect costumes. (These patternContinue reading “Dressed to Kill”

Children Without Borders

I just learned that when I was a child, my parents were criminals. That’s a lot to take in when you thought your mom and dad were law-abiding citizens—more or less. I had no idea my parents hid a dark side until I heard that parents in Maryland were charged with neglect for letting theirContinue reading “Children Without Borders”

Things Driving Me Crazy at the Ball Game

From coaching my daughters’ softball teams to watching the SF Giants win the series, baseball is a way to kick back and relax. Well, except the coaching part. That’s just nuts. (Idyllic, right? Except for all the people.) But, as with everything else . . . people ruin s***. The hubbie and I thought we’dContinue reading “Things Driving Me Crazy at the Ball Game”

How To Be a Better Parent

Now that my daughters are “adults,” I can start telling other people how to raise their children. I can be one of those women with opinions about EVERY aspect of parenting, especially the ones I really sucked at. (The tall ones are my daughters. The short ones are my grandkids. They’re all perfect. Like me.) First,Continue reading “How To Be a Better Parent”

Kids’ Guide to Surviving December

Today’s blog is for children across the country who are pretty sure time has stopped completely. I know you think Christmas will NEVER come, but rest-assured you’ll be screaming around the Christmas tree in no time. Here are some tips to surviving the next 8 days without going bananas: Be patient with your parents. They have forgotten howContinue reading “Kids’ Guide to Surviving December”

Top 5 Terrible Halloween Treats

You’ve only got one day left to stock up on Halloween treats for those good-for-nothing, lazy trick-or-treaters. Kids are always looking for a handout. Anyway, be sure to avoid having the above-mentioned “kids” attack your home with shaving cream or raw eggs by providing them with an acceptable treat. It’s much like appeasing King Kong: GiveContinue reading “Top 5 Terrible Halloween Treats”

Christmas Toys to Avoid

Love your kids? Don’t buy them any of these toys–unless you are raising blood-thirsty, stuffed animal-obssessed, tattoo ninjas from hell. Which I am. Power Rangers Megablade: Your little hero will love the real-life disemboweling action of this sword. The megablade not only swings open–but it extends two feet long! Your little serial killer can stab someone fromContinue reading “Christmas Toys to Avoid”