I’ve been blogless for the last month or so. Usually, I’m super-almost-consistent-once-in-a-while to post on Tuesdays because Tuesday is the worst day of the week. But lately I’ve slacked, what you might call “slackled.”
Winter in Utah is dreadful. If it’s not a blizzard during the commute, there’s a death-inducing, lung-clogging smog that smothers the Salt Lake Valley like a fat cat sitting on your chest, not giving a shit that you can’t breathe.
(A couple million people are buried under this crap.)
Yes, I’m using weather as an excuse for my blog absence. I’ve been too busy trying to stay warm. Too focused on not having my tongue freeze to utensils during dinner. Too scared to fall asleep for fear I’ll wake up dead from hypothermia.
But now February is more than half over. There’s a scent of spring in the air, a hint of warmth. Just kidding. It’s still %&*#ing freezing.
Besides the weather distracting me from my blogger duties, the Utah Legislature is in session, which leaves me depressed and discouraged. I could punch a parakeet after reading about the latest stupid bill proposals from our “representatives.”
Medical marijuana is a big discussion on Capitol Hill this year. Lots of people have come out against it with arguments ranging from “Marijuana is a gateway drug” to “Utah’s wildlife will eat the plants and be high all the time” (which is hilarious!). It’s been noted several times that uber-addictive, medically-prescribed opioids are still perfectly legal.
(No wonder Bugs always had the munchies.)
In addition to the weather and the legislature, there are no more work holidays until Memorial Day. MEMORIAL DAY! That’s almost 700 days away! I think every month should have at least one mandatory holiday just to keep me from throwing staplers at work.
That’s it. My Seasonal Affective Disorder rant is concluded. I’d love your tips for surviving the cold, bleak months of winter.
Utah hosted its first Comic Con event–which seems like a slam dunk, because there are more sci-fi/fantasy geeks in Utah per cubic yard than there are Asians in China. So nerds across the state donned their Imperial stormtrooper armor, hopped in their Tardises (Tardii?) and beamed themselves to the Salt Palace in downtown Salt Lake.
My husband dragged my reluctant carcass to the event so he could chase retro sci-fi stars (remember Richard Hatch, anyone?) and hobnob with cosplay characters. My first thought when I entered the convention center was, “Where the hell did all these people come from?” Knowing my allergy to large crowds, my husband quickly shuttled me to the food court to lull me with stir fry and cookies.
Because of the record-number nerd herds, I wasn’t able to see much. But I instantly realized I missed the memo that said all women must be wearing cleavage-revealing superslut clothing. Every girl from ages 10 to 90 was scantily clad (because décolletage is a super power, I guess), and every man from 10 to 90 was ogling these Wonder Women, Catwomen and even a few promiscuous Ewoks.
Old versions of William Shatner, Stan Lee and Adam West made appearances (with no noticeable cleavage. Well, Shatner, maybe). And crowds of people lined up to have their photo taken inside a Tardis. I thought about doing that, but since the line was 3.1 miles long, I didn’t feel like running a 5K to get my picture taken inside a spray-painted cardboard box.
(I’ve heard it’s supposed to be bigger inside.)
I guess the radon gas in the air affected my judgment, because I DID end up standing in a line (albeit a short one) to get photographed with a plaster replica of Gollum. He looked about as surprised as I was to be in the middle of such chaos.
After we finally extricated ourselves from the crowds, we stumbled out of the Salt Palace, and back to reality. Would I go again? Not if I have to fight off hordes of Superheroes. Besides, it’s Utah. Life here is basically a Comic Con.