Besides taking up smoking, drinking margaritas, spending food money on shoes and increasing the sugar in my diet, I’ve been trying to think up ways to improve my already incredible life.
Just like in November, when bloggers are required to compose a gratitude list, in January, we are required to make public our New Year’s resolutions. I don’t know why. It’s in the fine print.
So, in 2012, I resolve to:
(“Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking?”)
- Become one of the infamous (and uber-wealthy) 1 percent.
- Stop whining about the weather. (Unless it’s cold, windy and/or snowy.)
- Find a Greek yogurt I can eat without gagging.
- Convert to Taoism and then drive my friends crazy while I try to convert them, too.
- Create a low-calorie food that tastes exactly like a Snickers bar.
Open that erotic bakery I’ve always wanted.
Quote from Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue” more often.
Learn Spanish–not so I can talk with my neighbors, but so I’ll know what they’re saying about me.
Manage stress by punching people at the mall.
See less of friends and family. It makes Christmas cheaper.
Bring back the “children should be seen and not heard” tradition.