It’s official. Former Massachusetts governor, former Olympic savior, former presidential loser Mitt Romney is, once again, running for president.

Sigh.

Does EVERY republican have to run for president?

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why I Just Can’t Bring Myself to Vote for Boy Wonder:

#1: He reminds me too much of Guy Smiley–the suave, slick game show host from Sesame Street.

#2: He tries a little too hard to prove he’s “one of us.” (When we ALL have a summer home in New Hampshire–then we’ll talk.)

#3: His “sense of humor” is a little off. Maybe he could print some kind of guide to understand his “jokes.” (He recently sent leftover pizza to Obama’s campaign headquarters in Chicago as a prank. Hahahahahaha. Wait. I don’t get it.)

#4: He doesn’t just speak out of both sides of his mouth; he’s like that two-headed cow at the county fair.

#5: He’s WAY too obsessed with his hair.  Never trust a person with hair that doesn’t blow in the wind.