Top 5 Reasons I Won’t Vote for Mitt Romney

It’s official. Former Massachusetts governor, former Olympic savior, former presidential loser Mitt Romney is, once again, running for president.

Sigh.

Does EVERY republican have to run for president?

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why I Just Can’t Bring Myself to Vote for Boy Wonder:

#1: He reminds me too much of Guy Smiley–the suave, slick game show host from Sesame Street.

#2: He tries a little too hard to prove he’s “one of us.” (When we ALL have a summer home in New Hampshire–then we’ll talk.)

#3: His “sense of humor” is a little off. Maybe he could print some kind of guide to understand his “jokes.” (He recently sent leftover pizza to Obama’s campaign headquarters in Chicago as a prank. Hahahahahaha. Wait. I don’t get it.)

#4: He doesn’t just speak out of both sides of his mouth; he’s like that two-headed cow at the county fair.

#5: He’s WAY too obsessed with his hair.  Never trust a person with hair that doesn’t blow in the wind.

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