Absence Makes the Heart . . . Whatever

I’ve been blogless for the last month or so. Usually, I’m super-almost-consistent-once-in-a-while to post on Tuesdays because Tuesday is the worst day of the week. But lately I’ve slacked, what you might call “slackled.”

Winter in Utah is dreadful. If it’s not a blizzard during the commute, there’s a death-inducing, lung-clogging smog that smothers the Salt Lake Valley like a fat cat sitting on your chest, not giving a shit that you can’t breathe.


(A couple million people are buried under this crap.)

Yes, I’m using weather as an excuse for my blog absence. I’ve been too busy trying to stay warm. Too focused on not having my tongue freeze to utensils during dinner. Too scared to fall asleep for fear I’ll wake up dead from hypothermia.

But now February is more than half over. There’s a scent of spring in the air, a hint of warmth. Just kidding. It’s still %&*#ing freezing.

Besides the weather distracting me from my blogger duties, the Utah Legislature is in session, which leaves me depressed and discouraged. I could punch a parakeet after reading about the latest stupid bill proposals from our “representatives.”

Medical marijuana is a big discussion on Capitol Hill this year. Lots of people have come out against it with arguments ranging from “Marijuana is a gateway drug” to “Utah’s wildlife will eat the plants and be high all the time” (which is hilarious!). It’s been noted several times that uber-addictive, medically-prescribed opioids are still perfectly legal.


(No wonder Bugs always had the munchies.)

In addition to the weather and the legislature, there are no more work holidays until Memorial Day. MEMORIAL DAY! That’s almost 700 days away! I think every month should have at least one mandatory holiday just to keep me from throwing staplers at work.

That’s it. My Seasonal Affective Disorder rant is concluded. I’d love your tips for surviving the cold, bleak months of winter.

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