Top 5 Reasons to Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

Happy St. Paddy’s Day to all you temporary Irish Catholics using this celebration as a day to drink green beer and pinch people. For generations, March 17 has been set aside to honor St. Patrick who (according to legend) chased all of Ireland’s snakes into the ocean, turned water into green beer, wore clothes made of shamrocks and gave birth to Lucky the Leprechaun of Lucky Charms fame.

lucky charms

(They’re magically delicious.)

The Irish have a long, complicated history that I will not describe here. Because it’s long and complicated. Suffice it to say that St. Patrick’s Day is an Americanized version of the religious feast day in Ireland. But there are still several reasons (at least five) why you should observe this viridescent holiday.

1. Eating Irish food. The only reason to eat corned beef and cabbage, shepherd’s pie or soda bread and potatoes is to remind yourself that Irish food really sucks.

2. Listening to Irish music. Throw in your Chieftains or Dubliners CDs to hear Irish musicians, or enjoy the melodic twang of Celtic music, the indecipherable lyrics of Irish pub songs and the insufferable wailing of banshees the Irish call “music.” Remind yourself that Irish music is an acquired taste.

3. Attending parades. Enjoy a Top o’ The Morning as you stand in dismal, rainy weather, waiting for drunk people dressed like leprechauns to stumble down the street whilst singing Irish folk songs (see #2) and urinating in the gutters. The South Boston St. Patrick’s Day Parade is one of the biggest in the country. I’m not sure what this says about Boston.

dog

(After the parade, this dog was found crying by the side of the road.)

4. Finding the Pot o’ Gold. Every child knows if you catch a leprechaun you get three wishes or his pot of gold coins. What children don’t know is that leprechauns are meaner than s*** and will not hesitate to Dornálaíocht the hell out of you. Why do you think Irish people know how to box so well? I spent an inordinate amount of my childhood trying to track down the little green rascals, hoping to find all that gold so I could buy candy.

5. Enjoying a good pub crawl. After all the food, music, parades, leprechauns and shamrocks, real St. Patrick’s Day observers end up sprawled across several tables in the local bar. After being jolted awake by the noisy patrons, these observers crawl (literally) to the next bar for more drinking: Because no religious holiday is complete without a massive hangover the next day.

Bonus. You get to say “Eejit.” Keep things jolly by calling your friends idiots in the language o’ the holiday. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, ye eejits!

irish

What Should I Blog About Today?

Maybe your New Year’s resolution was to start a blog. That’s pretty easy. The hard part comes when you have to think up a topic on a regular basis. I post on Tuesdays (usually), so Monday night I’m cramming to write something witty, brilliant, unforgettable, quote-worthy or hysterical. But I give up pretty quick, and end up vomit-typing a blog at the last minute.

thinker

So where do you turn when you’ve run out of blog ideas? Here are some money-back-guaranteed ways to fill your blog with brilliance:

Write What You Love: If you love reading, chocolate, exercising (liar), or beauty–don’t write about that, because there are already BILLIONS of writers filling the blogosphere about that. What else do you love? Eating all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms cereal, leaving only the frosted “oat” shapes for the rest of family? Hiding your spouse’s keys and watching him scramble to find them when he’s late for a meeting? (Hilarious. I suggest doing it at least once a week.) If you love torturing small creatures, don’t write about that. Get help.

Steal Ideas: Read what other people write, and then write something similar–with your own special twist. Example: If you Google “How to Roast a Chicken” you’ll find several blogs written by chicken-roasting experts. Add a twist to that and write “How to Roast A Chicken that Your Child Raised for 4H.”

Write About Your Strengths: No one wants to read about how freaking perfect you are. When I say “strengths” I mean things like, How I Found the Strength To Not Strangle My Husband After He Watched Golf All Weekend. Or How I Found the Strength to Act Like I Was Listening to My 4-Year-Old. (These are actually great topics. Don’t steal those. I might use them later.)

Working with Grandma-2 (2)

(Have a lucky talisman nearby. Some people have a rabbit’s foot. I hold a grandson.)

Write About Your Mistakes/Failures: Did you make oatmeal cookies using salt instead of sugar? And then did you take them to your 7th grade party? And then did your friends take a bite and throw them over the fence to the neighbor’s dog? And were you afraid to admit you made the cookies, because then your friends would think you were stupid? And did you vow to never a) make cookies, b) have friends, c) return to school? Yeah, write about that.

Make Lists: Lists are a super-easy, no-talent-required way to write a blog. (Maybe you’ve noticed most of my blogs include a list.) With lists, you can:

  • Give several examples
  • Take up space
  • Refer back to #1
  • Refer to previous blogs
  • Make a list of your favorite things (See first example)

Now your creative juices should be flowing. At least I hope that’s creative juice.