If you don’t make a list of things you’re thankful for each November, you’re just an ungrateful, selfish American who probably hates kittens and steps on ladybugs. Bloggers are required by law to make a gratitude list to remind their readers not to be hedonistic during this long, expensive, mentally draining holiday season.

So, here you go.

I’m thankful for:

• Electricity. ‘Cause if I had to live like the people in Revolution, I’d be pissed.

(Fighting bad guys without the help of electricity–yet somehow their hair and clothing look really good.)

• Pillows.
• Gravity.
• Pomegranate seeds.
• Sleeping babies.
• Rabies shots. (For dogs, of course. I hated Old Yeller.)

(Really?!?! He had to shoot his dog. Thanks, Disney, for a lifetime of sadness.)

• Chocolate-covered anything.
• The end of election season.
• Being able to grow a mustache.
• Nair.
• Llamas with Hats.

(It just never gets old. “Killing people is my least favorite thing to do.”)

• Fuzzy, warm socks.
• Raspberry fritters.
• Colgate.

That sums it up for this year. Have an excellent Thanksgiving!