Interestingly enough, February 1 is National Freedom Day (Lincoln abolished slavery) while July 4 is National Independence Day (America abolished Great Britain).

(Hopefully, your Independence Day won’t include a devastating alien invasion.)

As U.S. citizens, we celebrate freedom by eating vast amounts of barbecue, lighting things on fire and waving at beauty queens during a parade. So, even after thousands of years of evolution, our society still tends to focus on food, fire and women. Great progress there, folks.

Here are 5 great ways to celebrate freedom this week:

#1–Read a book. As Americans, we’re free to read anything we’d like without censoring. (Unless you live in Davis County, Utah, and want to read “In Our Mothers’ House.” It’s a picture book about a child being raised by two mothers that was banned from Davis County schools.)

(For mercy’s sake! Don’t read this story about a loving family to your children!!)

#2–Act Like An Idiot. Americans are infamous for being boorish, obnoxious, outspoken, rude and stupid. For many people, The Fourth is July is celebrated by 1) Getting drunk, 2) Shooting off illegal fireworks, 3) Catching the dry field across the street on fire, and 4) Burning the neighbor’s house down.

#3–Watch TMZ or listen to Rush Limbaugh. Unlike many places across the world, the U.S. lets its citizens watch anything they damn well please. But, instead of educational, cultural or informative programs, the majority of people tend to lean toward reality TV, gossip-mongering hate-filled talk shows or porn. Thanks, freedom.

(What’s not to like?!)

#4–Debate the recent Supreme Court rulings. You don’t have to agree (hence the word “debate”) but at least be informed. Part of the wonderfulness of this country is our right to agree to disagree. Unless you’re FOX news or CNN. Then you are just disagreeable. (Don’t agree? That’s okay!)

#5–Thank a Vet. Seriously, folks. Whether it’s your grandpa that served in WWII, your uncle who fought in the Gulf War or your neighbor who just returned from Afghanistan, give them a hug (not the surprise kind where you jump out of the hall closet) and say, “thanks.”

(Thank you.)

Enjoy the freedom to vote, protest, send our daughters to school, choose our own spouse or religion.

And, finally, be safe during The Fourth of July by avoiding warm potato salad, pyromaniac brothers with a penchant for “improving” the fireworks they just purchased, and children running with sparklers. What a freakin’ dangerous holiday.