Summer Vacation Blues

I remember summer vacation. Used to be, the school bell rang and we’d dash from our seats like cheetahs chasing a tasty gazelle. We were free! Three months of laziness!

Now. Boo. The kids are out of school, enjoying three months of freedom they won’t appreciate–and us 9-to-5ers are trying not to cry as we look out our office windows at the sunshine and the joy and the warmth and the happiness going on without us.

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(I’ll never smile again.)

Something’s wrong with society. Well, that’s obvious, but something ELSE is wrong with society. Imagine how productive and enthused we’d be after a whole summer of playtime and rest!

So who do I petition to make this happen? My overlords didn’t even crack a smile at my suggestion. They’re obviously stone people who don’t remember being young and frivolous. They probably eat the full-sized shredded wheat blocks—with no sugar.

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(Shredded wheat in its natural habitat.)

Hear me out, dear overlords!

What if we just have the month of July off to romp and play? No one does business in July anyway! I’d wear shorts everyday, hike each morning, eat fresh foods from farmer’s markets, bask in the sunshine and spit watermelon seeds at my grandkids. I’m tearing up just thinking about it!

I’d come back to work in August, ready to hit it hard. Well. Now that I think about it. I probably wouldn’t. I’d spend August wishing I was still sitting by the pool, drinking margaritas and reading trashy novels.

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(This is where I want to die.)

Maybe it’s best I don’t have the summer off. Once I tasted that freedom, I’d only daydream away the hours, longing for a simple life where I could sleep in a hammock and live on grilled vegetables. But a gal can dream, dear overlords. You can’t take that from me.

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Top 5 Reasons to be Lazy This Summer

Remember when you were a kid and summer vacation stretched out like a long, sweet piece of warm caramel? Well, get over it. You’ll never have three months to do absolutely nothing EVER AGAIN.

But. While you might not be able to laze around the house in your jammies, eating cold cereal and popsicles until fall, you can still dedicate a significant amount of time to just being lazy. In this crazy world with its tech gadgets and social media invasion, putting yourself in time-out might be the best. thing. ever. I suggest you do it today.

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(Sometimes you just need to sit on a fountain.)

Here are the best reasons to be lazy this summer:

1. To-do lists are bulls***.  Remember when your mom gave you a list of chores to do every summer? Did you like it then? Nope. So why would you like it now? Throw out the to-do list and focus on the want-to-do list. (Disclaimer: this must involve eating at least one banana split each week.)

2. Hiding can be therapeutic. You don’t need to check out from reality for weeks at a time, but diving into a great book while eating strawberry shortcake is my idea of heaven. While I might be mistaken for a turtle as I burrow under a pillow, that’s okay. Turtles are adorable!

3. Being lazy heightens creativity. When you figure out how to refill your margarita without  leaving the comfyness of your porch swing, you have accomplished a great task. Doing nothing opens your mind to all kinds of ideas.

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4. It teaches you patience. It’s HARD to hold still. We fidget, adjust, move around and change positions all the time, usually because we’re amped on caffeine and sugar. Make yourself sit still. Listen to yourself breathe. Ignore your erratic brain telling you to “Move already!!!” After awhile, your mind backs down. If people judge you, tell them you’re not being lazy, you’re meditating.

5. You don’t miss out on the little things. Once you toss your to-do list, you suddenly have tons of time to do important things like play games, make homemade ice-cream, reread favorite novels, sit by a stream, listen to the birds, take your dog for an extra walk, look at the stars, watch the clouds roll by and plan an impromptu picnic.

Taking a few hours each week to just be lazy will make your summer feel more like a vacation. Just like when you were 10.

Best Signs in New England

Hubbie and I traveled to the East Coast to get away from it all–and wound up lost for several days. Driving around Massachusetts is equivalent to walking through a busy mall blindfolded, finding Nordstrom and selecting the EXACTLY right color of beige socks. Impossible.

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As we drove aimlessly through what looked like cannibal country, we saw several signs that made us chuckle. Which was good, because when we weren’t chuckling, we were cursing the Massachusetts cartographers and road engineers. To save you from an unnecessary drive through the Live Free or Die state, here are my favorite signs:

Cape Cod (1)

Yeah. Me, too. But I don’t want a sign in front of my house advertising the size of my a**.

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By the time we’d driven MILES in the wrong direction, a bowl full of soup sounded perfect.

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For people afraid of heights, this sign should have been comforting–if it hadn’t been posted on the rickety Charlestown Bridge. The bridge crosses the Charles River, and looks like it would crumble if people stomped across it.

Salem (1)

This town must have a problem with senior citizens darting out of shrubbery, jumping into traffic and dashing across the road. At least I didn’t see any elderly roadkill.

Portsmouth--NH (56)

How many New Englanders had to suffer a head injury before the city erected this warning sign?

Fenway (33)

Yeah. How often do you see THIS sign?

There. Now you never have to drive across Massachusetts.