I’m usually so mild-mannered and relaxed. But once in a while, my knickers get twisted and I get highly irrational. This is one of those times. These are things twisting my knickers today:

• North Korea. Just ’cause.
• My bathroom scale. I’m pretty sure it’s stuck. (I tried bashing it with a hammer, but the number still didn’t change.)

(The view of the numbers is so much better down here.)

• Men.
• People who text while you’re trying to have a conversation with them. Put down your damn phone!!!
• Shaving my legs and then noticing I missed ALL the hair on my knees. (I usually notice this when I’m sitting in the sun, wearing shorts, and everyone is pointing at my hairy knees and laughing.)
• Going through the entire day with pepper stuck between my front teeth. Thanks “friends” for letting me know.
• ANY “news” about Zac Efron. Holy crap, people. (His name sounds like an over-the-counter allergy medication.)
• Being told multi-vitamins don’t do any good. And then being told all the produce at the grocery store has been leached of any nutrition. What am I supposed to eat to be healthy? (I guess it’s back to chocolate donuts and Coke.)

 (Breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions.)

• Ringo the Dog when he decides to chase a cat. If you see someone running down your street, swinging a tangled leash and yelling “Come back, dumba**!!” It’s probably me.
• Going to the grocery store and not having anything good to eat for dinner. (Chocolate donuts and Coke, again.)