I’m Grateful For . . .

In November, it is required that every person in the country make a list of things they’re grateful for. If  you don’t–you’re not a true American. But along with being thankful for food, clothing, shelter and chocolate, I am grateful for so much more.

I’m grateful for:

  • Underwear that doesn’t leave panty-lines.

(I think she might have some permanent damage.)

  • The fact that I’ll NEVER have to take an algebra class ever, ever, ever again.
  • Kim Kardashian’s fairy-tale wedding. What a true love story.

(This has restored my faith in the institution of marriage. I think they’ll be happy for ever and ever and ever. . .)

  • The platypus. How cool is that thing?
  • Dental floss. Not because it removes that make-believe plaque my dentist keeps nagging me about, but because if you ever need to tie off a severed artery–floss is your best friend.

(Get off my case, Mr. Bicuspid from hell!!!)

  • The Jersey Shore Christmas Ornament collection. Who wouldn’t want dem hangin’ from yo’ tree?

(All they need now is a Christmas CD. Possible titles: “Santa and his Hos,” “$%&* the Halls” or “Rudolph Shot Grandma With a Glock.”)

  • Fiction. Because reality sucks.
  • Daughters who aren’t currently in prison.
  • This picture:

(Bwahahahahaha!!!!! I think I just peed.)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

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2 thoughts on “I’m Grateful For . . .

  1. Oh my god. Jersey Shore Christmas ornaments! I am ordering those RIGHT. NOW!

    Like

  2. Funny post! I want those action figures for my tree! Thanks for reminding me to floss. Of course plaque is real…an ever present threat…lurking…

    Like

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