Packing gives me hives. Not the “carrying a loaded pistol” kind of packing, but the “leaving for New Orleans for sightseeing, meetings and banquets” kind of packing.
I know you’re all, “Oh, poor Peri has to go to Bourbon Street. Wah. Wah. Wah.” But knock it off! Here are the top five reasons I’m no good at packing a suitcase.
1. Shoes: How many pairs can I fit into one 50-lb. suitcase? The answer–not enough. I’ll need dressy shoes for the banquet, cute shoes for sightseeing, fashion shoes for meetings, tennis shoes for the gym, flip-flops for the pool and cute sandals for everything in between. That leaves room in my suitcase for a Wisp toothbrush and a bobby pin. Not acceptable.
2. Underwear: You can never have enough clean undies. I need a pair for each day, with matching bras, because you don’t want to be attacked by a crocodile and wind up in the ER having your clothes cut off while you’re wearing mismatched underwear. Fashion faux pas. Tim Gunn would NOT be happy.
3. Books/Magazines: If I’m sitting in an airport, or on a plane, without something to read, just shoot me. So, I need a book to read and several magazines in case the book gets boring. Then I’ll need a couple more books in case the meetings are boring and I finish my book. Then I’ll need more magazines in case the maid at the hotel steals them. It’s a never-ending cycle of publications. And I REFUSE to purchase a Nook or a Kindle. Hear me? Re. Fuse.
4. Hair/make-up products: The best thing to do when traveling, is to utilize that no-make-up, fresh-faced glow–but it takes a lot of products to achieve that look. With concealer, foundation, sunscreen, moisturizer, serum, scrubs, cleanser, eye shadows, eye liners, mascara, primer, powder, blush, lip gloss, lip stick and lotion–PLUS shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, mousse, gel, hair spray, dry shampoo, bath gel, body scrub and a loofah, that’s a lot of space. Ummm. Maybe I can just UPS that stuff directly to the hotel.
5. Neatness Doesn’t Count. Right?: When Tom packs, everything is folded, rolled, separated and organized into colors, function and usage–kind of like an IKEA associate did his packing. When I fill a suitcase, things are fashionably wadded and fitted around various shoes. Sometimes, items are stuffed INTO shoes. Kind of like this:
And what if it rains? Or hurricanes? What if I’m invited to a spur-of-the-moment black tie event? What if I participate in a voodoo ceremony? There are so many potential fashion opportunities. How will I ever pack it all!!??!!