Things I Just Don’t Understand

This isn’t about anti-matter, Morgellon’s disease, the elusive monopole or other mysterious terms people throw out to sound smart. These are just ordinary, daily things that make NO sense to me. Maybe you can help clarify.

  • Why do people at Wal-Mart shuffle their feet? No one strides through Wal-Mart or briskly scans the aisles; it’s  a sloth-like, death march, with many Wal-Martians leaning against the hand-rail of the shopping cart, looking like malaria victims.

(This is also beyond my understanding. In so many ways.)

  • Wood pencils that have the phrase “Save the Trees.”
  • Why Newt Gingrich is still running for the GOP nomination.  As Jimmy Kimmel said, “Newt puts the “hippo” in “hypocrite.”
  • Why religious sects continue to fight about whose God is the best. Isn’t that like arguing over which imaginary friend is the strongest?
 (And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”)
  • Why are Girl Scout cookies only sold once a year? Do employees at Little Brownie Bakers only work three months a year–and then they’re off for the year with full-pay and all the Samoas they can eat? And where can I apply?
  • Why do women wax, shave, exfoliate, cleanse, moisturize and mask? Men only shave. Sometimes.
  • Speaking of grooming, why does shampoo come with operating instructions?

(Do people often get these steps confused?)

    • Why haven’t men learn to read minds? They’ve had thousands of years of evolution to do this. On the other hand, women have read men’s minds for millenia. That’s why women are usually pissed off.
    • Why do teenagers insist on walking SLOWLY down the center of the street? Maybe they’re practicing for a trip to Wal-Mart. (If they’re going to walk in the road, they could at least hop around so I can pretend we’re playing Frogger.)
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7 thoughts on “Things I Just Don’t Understand

  1. The part about the “Lord Spake” had me literally cracking up on my couch.

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  2. Some of your “Things I Just Don’t Understand” points were humorous, but I was saddened and offended by your observation of God. There is only one God, and He physically walked this earth over 2000 years ago as a man. He was not and is not imaginary, and He is very much alive today. I love Him; He is my Savior Jesus Christ, my friend and my “Life Changer”. If you want to know more about Him, and how He is working in my life and others lives, please stop by my blog. You will find a very real God. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John chapter 3, verse 16. What will you do with this Jesus?

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  3. Eek! I’ve nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award. Click this link to see what to do now that you’ve received the award: http://journeyofjordannaeast.wordpress.com/2012/03/20/awarded-the-kreativ-blogger-award/

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  4. Why why why…? What a great post, I’ve asked myself thes things many times (changing Wal mart and election candidates for my Aussie version).

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  5. Wait! I thought Newt put “hippo” in hypocrite a long time ago. Don’t you just love that he suggested that Romney drop out of the race? Great post and observations!

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  6. Boy, you sure got this one right!!! Loved reading it ~ reminded me of people I know who do these things and I have often scratched my head wondering why. . .

    Sandy Ozanich

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  7. I’m right there with you! So many thing of which boggle the mind.

    Everyone knew that Newt was only running so he could secure some books deals and speaking engagements, so why is he still around? I think maybe being the front runner for a time gives these candidates a “taste” of how close they are to the Presidency being defeated by Obama. So they try, try again! 🙂

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