Every women’s magazine tells us to dress to enhance our favorite body part. They probably mean things like cleavage, legs or butt–but my favorite body parts are none of those. My knees are wrinkled, my butt is saggy and  my boobs haven’t been in the same location as my chest since the birth of my first child.

But after much thought, I DID find some body parts I’ve grown rather attached to. These are things I’m rather proud of (for better or worse):

#1. My foot phalanges (that’s toes for those of you who didn’t attend medical school): Although my brother teased me for years about the size of my toes (thanks to therapy, I’m doing much better now), my long toes are very useful. I use my toes to pick up socks, tissues, towels and even play the piano (not well). They can also deliver a good pinch when necessary.

(It’s hard to find shoes that fit well.)

#2. My Lungs: I’m not sure how I would dress to enhance my lungs (which is NOT the same as cleavage) but I’ve come to appreciate breathing on a regular basis.

#3. My Earlobes: Earlobes are highly underrated. They serve no biological function but they’re perfect for holding diamond studs or sterling silver hoops (Christmas ideas for anyone looking for a gift for me). They don’t get wrinkly or sag (at least not yet), there’s no earlobe cancer (that I’m aware of) and they don’t grow unnecessary hair. (Unlike OTHER body parts I can think of–cheeks, upper lip, forehead, etc.)

#4: Cervical Vertebrae: Ah, the neck bones. The job of these poor suckers is to hold my head up all. day. long. And my noggin is pretty heavy. (Imagine how the cervical vertebrae of a Brontosaurus felt). Those bones also respond pretty well when my husband runs his fingers along them.

#5: The Index Finger on my Right Hand: This extraordinary digit is a multi-tasking tool. It can point out exactly what I need, or help out when I’m arguing. It’s great for scooping out cookie dough or frosting and can be used to get that dried booger out of my nose. It clicks my mouse, spreads my lip gloss, starts the microwave, smooths my eyebrows and scrolls through images. And it sits right next to the finger I use when I’m driving.

(See how useful it is!!)