I just read in the paper about two young “adults” who filed a lawsuit against their mom for emotional distress in the amount of $50,000. First, isn’t that a mom’s job? Second, (you might ask) what constitutes “emotional distress” to these two lovely children?

Here’s your answer. (Did I mention they live with their father–an attorney–in a $1.5 million home?)

During their childhood, their mother:

• Insisted that her 7-year-old son buckle his seat belt or she’d call the police
• Haggled over the amount she wanted to spend on a party dress for her daughter
• Called her daughter at midnight, asking that she return home from a school party
• Sent the “wrong kind” of birthday card (it didn’t include a check or cash)
• Failed to send her son a care package when he was in college
• Wouldn’t take her daughter to a car show

These offenses make me wonder–WTF? If MY daughters decided to sue me for “emotional distress” (which is entirely possible), I would counter-sue and ask for the judge to order the following consequences:

• They would have to mow my lawn with a PUSH MOWER every Saturday afternoon. In the heat. Without an iPOD.
• They would have NO access to cell phones or the Internet.
• They would only be allowed to watch network television.
• They would have to WALK to school. Every day. Rain or shine.
• New school clothes would consist of 2 pairs of Levi’s, 5 T-shirts, 1 pair of tennis shoes and 1 pair of dress shoes.

Sound familiar? That’s because that was OUR childhood. Sometime during the last 20 years, entitled, horrible children took over the planet. Should be an interesting future.