In June’s Life and Laughter column, I discussed my plans to get prepared for emergencies: man-made, natural, teenage meltdown or low blood sugar. My 72-hour kit was sorely lacking in anything helpful, so I decided to start from scratch.

Luckily, those wacky wacksters at the Centers for Disease Control helped me out by posting their Zombie Apocalypse preparedness blog which really helped me prioritize my emergency kit supplies. (Ya gotta love a government department with a sense of humor.) (At least, I think they’re joking.)

ANYWAY. That made me think of other scenarios that could be considered an emergency.

Scenario A: You are invited to a last-minute flash-mob performance of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Do you have creepy contact lenses? A red vinyl jacket with matching pants? Adding these items to your kit could save you from flash-mob embarassment.

Scenario B: Your children, neices and/or nephews are irritating as hell. A supply of pre-filled emergency water balloons (filled with bleach) can help rid yourself of these parasites.

Scenario C: Emergency See’s chocolates (self-explanatory).

Scenario D: You are traveling in the desert and come across a road runner. As everyone knows, dynamite from ACME is the only way to kill a road runner. A trunkload of this product will help for those last-minute hunting trips.

Adding these items to your boring food, water, first-aid kits and flashlights will really help any emergency seem much more fun.