How to Survive a Boring Meeting

Boring meetings are all the rage these days; and many meeting execs are wising up to how attendees are distracted by iPhones, iPads, etc. and have banned technology from meetings. Ogres!!

ogres

(“Oh,  you were expecting Prince Charming?”)

Here’s a way to survive meetings when there’s no access to gadgets:

Take “notes”: And by “notes” I mean make your grocery list or an inventory of your favorite novels. “Notes” can also include writing in your journal or thinking up creative Christmas gifts. (December is only a few months away.) The point is to look studious.

Have a food stash: Fill your pockets with tasty treats that can be surreptitiously placed in the mouth when your boss isn’t looking. Warning: Jordan Almonds are not a good idea. Too crunchy.

almonds(Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! Nom, nom, nom.)

Outline Your Next Blog Post: This entire blog, and many others, was hand-written during a boring meeting. It looks like I’m paying attention. Nope. (Of course, now people are on to me. Great.)

Do several rounds of kegel exercises: With enough meetings, you’ll never need to use your hands to open a bottle of ketchup ever again.

Look up and nod occasionally: This lets the meeting leader know you’re absolutely paying attention. Hahahaha! Not.

Click pen frequently: I like to click my pen to the chorus of “Thrift Shop.” This was going great until the person next to me grabbed my pen and stabbed me in the thigh. Gees.

Create alternative lives for fellow meeting attendees: The man next to you probably knits scarves for penguins in his spare time. The woman across from you writes lusty novels on the weekends. Your boss? He’s most likely a serial killer.

lusty novel(This is what Pam from HR writes in her spare time. Who knew?)

Work on your sci-fi screenplay: You know, the one about colonization of Mars by lettuce-eating androids disguised as Mark Whalberg and Cher.

Write poetry: Like this:

A Meeting Haiku

Can I be more bored?

I can’t imagine I could.

My liver is tired.