Childhood is a dangerous time. Especially when school teachers/parents invent games that could prove fatal. I thought my teachers enjoyed hanging out with obnoxious, snot-nosed children 8 hours a day, but looking back, I might be wrong.
Here are the top games that could have killed me:
Red Rover: When spring rolled around, my teacher would take us outside for a friendly game of “Clothesline Your Chum” otherwise known as Red Rover. Your goal: break through your opponents’ clenched hands. Their goal: use joined hands to punch a fellow student in the throat. Better yet, as they come charging at you full-force, let go of the friend’s hand and watch your opponent sail through, and run into the chain link fence. Laughs all around!
Jump the Lava: The carpet is lava. The furniture is safe. Jump from the couch to the TV to the end tables to the coffee table to the love seat to the rocking chair to the kitchen table to the kitchen counter to the fridge without landing in the lava and dying a horribly painful death. Hey! Don’t laugh. We didn’t have XBox or Playstation, you lazy shits.
Mumblety Peg: My mom taught us this family-friendly, pointy-object game. The first person takes a knife and throws it at the ground between the second player’s feet, trying to get as close as possible without actually stabbing a toe. The second player returns the favor. This continues until someone receives a horrid knife wound. I think my mom taught us this game so we couldn’t play Jump the Lava.
(Can also be used for lawn darts, a William Tell trick, and cleaning fingernails.)
Find the Marbles: First, take a plastic pool and fill it with flour. Second, drop several dozen marbles into the flour. Third, tell the kids to find the marbles by only using their mouths. Fourth, chuckle as kids choke on marbles and flour. Hahaha! Fun field day game.
Dodgeball: Dodgeball is a much-maligned game where two teams throw balls at each other until no one is left standing. People who couldn’t throw (me) just ran around in the back of the crowd, dodging missiles thrown by students undergoing some kind of growth hormone treatment. (Fetal position is never a good idea in dodgeball. Just sayin’.)
What were your maniacal pastimes?