Thank goodness children live with you for more than a decade before they become teenagers, because if couples were handed a teenage girl right off the bat, no one would ever have children again.

Plan on enjoying the first 12 or 13 years with your adorable little girl. Store up all the fun you can because once they hit a certain age, it takes all your strength not to get into a car and drive and drive and drive and drive, as far away from your teen as possible.

You’ll know you’re the mother of a teenage daughter if:

• You’ve ever wished to be stricken with a severe, yet curable, illness that required a week-long stay in the hospital–just to avoid having one more “discussion” with your daughter about ear gauges.

(“There’s nothing wrong with her. We’re just giving her a small staycation”)

• You consider installing a mood ring in your daughter’s forehead, so you’ll know what to expect each time you see her.
• The emotional atmosphere in your home runs from ecstatic joy to eternal doom.
• You feel it’s an accomplishment to make it to bedtime without pissing anyone off.
• Clothes and shoes from your closet disappear for days at a time, then show up in random places–like the backyard or the laundry basket.
• Learning how to take deep breaths has been the only thing keeping you from jumping off a bridge.
• You’ve ever said, “The second you turn 18, you can pierce, tattoo, surgically enhance or remove ANY part of your body.”
• Your eye liner is ALWAYS missing.
• There are leftover packages of food based on the diet of the week.

(Mom! I told you I was only eating broccolini for the rest of my life! You never listen to me!!)

Good luck traversing the unpredictable, moody, scary and frustrating journey with your daughter. (Spoiler alert: it gets better.)