Things Driving Me Crazy Today

Dear Tuesday,

I hope you crack your shins on the coffee table of life.

Here are the things driving me crazy today:

• Feeling like an uneducated redneck at the farmer’s market. Do vendors take classes in snobbishness?
• Trying on swimming suits. Tip to merchants: light dressing rooms with candles–not flickering fluorescent bulbs.
• Getting stuck in a swimming suit and standing in the horribly lit cubicle with my arms extended overhead with no way to remove the bathing suit top from my body.
• Hockey. Thank God the season is over–at least for a few weeks.
• Basketball. Thank God the season is over–at least for a few weeks.
• World Cup Soccer. Well, almost.

(When is the Quidditch World Cup?)

• Diets that suggest you cut out EVERYTHING except whey protein, almond milk, blueberries and eggs.
• Cutting out EVERYTHING except whey protein, almond milk, blueberries and eggs.
• Making a(n) hilarious, witty comment, and realizing (because people are looking at you weird) that you just said one of the Top 10 stupidest things of all time.
• Driving in the rain, and having no idea where the lines are in the road.
• When road crews re-paint the lines in the freeway, three feet away from the original lines–so now there dashed lines everywhere and you have no idea where to drive.
• Make-up companies messing around with mascara wands.

(Just waiting for Tom Sawyer to paint my eyelashes.)

• People who break beer bottles at parks, leaving shards of glass for dogs and kids to step on. These glass litterbugs should be punched in the liver.
• When I realize I’m humming along to my iPod at the gym.
• Grass growing in my flower beds.
• You think you’re alone in a public bathroom, and start talking to yourself. The lady who walks out of the far stall avoids looking directly at you as she washes her hands, and quickly leaves the restroom. Not that I did that. Nope.

Maybe next Tuesday will be great!!