Gym Rat Definitions

Now that February is winding down, people will stop going to the gym. That’s good. Because for the last two months, the workout place near my home has been PACKED. Every year it’s the same. Resolutioners hit the treadmills and ellipticals for eight weeks–then quit.

During the last few weeks, I’ve noticed distinct personality trends in gym goers. I’ve narrowed them down into the following categories:

The Grunter: Just like it sounds.  I’m never quite sure if they need medical attention. I just avoid eye contact.

The Soon-To-Be-Injured: Typically male, this group flings heavy weights around like paper airplanes. It doesn’t matter if their bad exercise form will cause severe injuries (for themselves or others), the fact they lift 80 pounds for bicep curls makes them happy. I guess. They never smile.

(Does he look happy to you?)

The Anti-Social: These people are there to WORK OUT. They plug-in their iPods, tune out the world, do their workout and leave. They don’t chit-chat, they don’t waste time. (This is my species.) (I apologize.)

The Super-Social: Usually women, this group tends to flock around exercise equipment to discuss kids, spouses, dinner, shopping, the latest craft trend, decorating, laundry, jobs and troubled celebrities. They can also read, watch TV and crochet while exercising. I’m not that coordinated.

The January Bunch: This assortment of people always seem a little lost, wandering from machine to machine, trying to figure out each machine’s appropriate use.  They usually land on a treadmill for the entire month. Then they disappear for a year. I’d offer to help, but that would involve me talking to people.

The Hotties: Men and women who KNOW they look good, and strut around the weight room, making sure everyone gets a good look. I’ve never actually seen them pick up any weights. I guess all that walking and flexing is workout enough. They tend to flock together, like beautiful muscular swans.

What species do you encounter?