Top 5 Things Men Should Stop Doing

I appreciate women can be difficult. We’re uber-smart, super strong, overly capable and do a variety of activities while wearing six-inch heels and applying lip gloss. But, for some reason, men continue to patronize us while totally ignoring the fact we’re intelligent beings.

Here are the top 5 things men should just stop doing. Right now. I mean it. Stop it.

Dont:

1. Talk down to us: Nothing is more insulting than hearing, “Look how hard she’s trying” or “Isn’t it cute how much effort she’s making?” We’re not stupid pets, gentlemen. We don’t need our heads patted or our bellies rubbed. Keep it up and you might find a pencil stuck in one of your sinus cavities.

2. Lecture: Because men are obviously SO MUCH SMARTER than women, men tend to lecture us about things that a) we already know or b) are total bulls***.  Shut up already. And don’t think you need to explain things to us. We get it. I promise.

(“How’s that knife wound in your kidney workin’ for ya?”)

3. Brag: It’s just dandy that you were a high school football star—20 years ago. I’m happy that you like to participate in triathlons on the weekends–and talk about it all week. Killed a moose with your bare hands? Rode a rabid ostrich through the Outback? Took down a terrorist cell with a plastic hanger and a Tootsie Pop? Great. Now, don’t you have something else you should be doing? Like working?

4. Describe your perfect woman: Yes, we know your dream girl looks NOTHING like us. We’re not constantly being airbrushed, made up, tousled, surgically enhanced or pouting seductively. So stop telling us what we lack. Either appreciate it or get lost.

5. Act Like You’re Listening: Granted, women like to talk about their “feelings” or their “lack of validation.” I understand that gets boring at times for you men, and it’s hard to listen when it’s your turn at Draw Something. But, dammit, we listen to your inane recounts of basketball games, baseball highlights, golf scores, video game activities and how much you hate your boss. Blankly staring at us does NOT constitute listening. Are you listening?!?!?

Dropping these bad habits will ensure a life-long appreciation from the women in your life. Just sayin’.