The Many Reasons I Exercise

‘Tis the season to eat my body weight in pie. And because I do, I try to hit the gym several days a week to keep my frumpy, matronly figure up to snuff. But it’s not only my Elizabeth Taylor figure (the later years) that keeps me going to the gym. There are lots of reasons to exercise on a regular basis (like every holiday season).

If you’re looking for a reason to exercise, feel free to use any of these ideas as motivation to hit the treadmill:

• Exercise is a buffer against dementia. Recent medical studies show that people who exercise . . . ummm. People who. . . hmmmm. What was the question?
• There are really cool new fusion workouts like yoga/kickboxing, boot camp/ballet and, my personal favorite, watching TV/eating junk food.
• Exercising will improve your vocabulary. I’ve learned a variety of new swear words while working out at the gym.
• Due to my high blood sugar levels, my sweat smells like vanilla frosting.
• When I use my Thighmaster at the gym, I get lots of inquisitive looks.

(Have you seen this? It can do ANYTHING!!)

• Exercise has been shown to improve vision. Then you can read that big number on the scale.

(I tend to lean more toward the rhino side of the scale.)

• I can catch up on the latest Justin Bieber hits on my iPod.
• People who exercise live longer. Or at least they feel like they’re living longer. Seriously? I’d rather be dead than run a marathon.
• I look HOT in leg warmers. . .

(. . .but my heels keep getting stuck in the elliptical machine.)

• Exercise is supposed to improve your social life, increase your libido (hell yeah), brighten your mood, get you a raise and promotion, solve world hunger, end government fighting, improve your sleep, prevent (and cure) cancer and keep you out of prison. But as long as I can still get in my car without a pry bar–that’s all that matters.