Monthly Archives: November 2012

I’m Thankful For . . .

If you don’t make a list of things you’re thankful for each November, you’re just an ungrateful, selfish American who probably hates kittens and steps on ladybugs. Bloggers are required by law to make a gratitude list to remind their readers not to be hedonistic during this long, expensive, mentally draining holiday season.

So, here you go.

I’m thankful for:

  • Electricity. ‘Cause if I had to live like the people in Revolution, I’d be pissed.

(Fighting bad guys without the help of electricity–yet somehow their hair and clothing look really good.)

  • Pillows.
  • Gravity.
  • Pomegranate seeds.
  • Sleeping babies.
  • Rabies shots. (For dogs, of course. I hated Old Yeller.)

(Really?!?! He had to shoot his dog. Thanks, Disney, for a lifetime of sadness.)

  • Chocolate-covered anything.
  • The end of election season.
  • Being able to grow a mustache.
  • Nair.
  • Llamas with Hats.

(It just never gets old. “Killing people is my least favorite thing to do.”)

  • Fuzzy, warm socks.
  • Raspberry fritters.
  • Colgate.

That sums it up for this year. Have an excellent Thanksgiving!

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My 100th Post

If this blog was a television sitcom, I’d be celebrating my 100th episode with big-name guest stars. But since this is only a blog, that’s not gonna happen.  I could have invited some guest bloggers to post something . . . or . . . I could do a video montage of past postings set to “The Rose” by Bette Midler.

(Insert video montage here.)

But that sounds like WAAAY too much work. Instead I’ve listed 100 reasons that you should keep reading my blog.

Take your pick:

1. You have nothing else to do.

2. The TV isn’t working.

3. Better than cleaning the floorboards.

4. Can’t sleep.

5. It isn’t quite time for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

6. Beats having a tooth filled.

(I passed out just posting this picture.)

7. The boss isn’t around.

8. It makes you feel superior.

9. You might laugh.

10. If you don’t laugh, you can at least judge me.

11. The kids are taking a nap.

12. You’ve already checked out the really cool blogs.

13. You want me to talk about my crazy-ass dog, Ringo.

(Ringo. Chillin’.)

14. It’s full of factual information.

15. Not.

16. It’s better than regrouting the tile.

17. It keeps you from eating leftover Halloween candy.

18. You might learn something.

19. But, probably not.

20. It keeps you off the streets.

(Fellow journalist.)

21. I get $1 million for each visit to my site.

22. If you stop reading my blog, I’ll become a ghost of a person.

23. It’s a great weight-loss tool.

24. It keeps you from shoplifting.

25. You need a safe place to visit.

26. This is a no-judgement zone.

27. It’s better than having a bladder infection.

28. You can correct my grammar.

29. You can develop a penchant for sarcasm.

30. It goes well with chocolate.

DSC_0173

(I want to look like this at least one time per day.)

31. It’s probably snowing.

32. It’s better than going to the OB-GYN.

33. It’s better than a kick in the pants.

Screw it. I can’t think of 100 reasons. Just read this list two more times, add one more reason–and we’ll call it good.

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How I Got Addicted To Pinterest

Hello, I’m Peri, and I’m a Pinterest addict.

(Pinterest: The act of sorting the entire Internet into categories.)

When I first tried Pinteresting, I was sure I could handle it. I could stop scrolling after a few re-pins and walk away from my computer. For a while it was okay. But I started thinking about Pinterest all the time.

What was I missing? Was there a cool Thanksgiving craft I would never know about? Was there a your-ecard that would make me laugh until I peed myself? Was there a photo of a lion fighting a dolphin, saying something hilarious?

I needed a Pinterest hit.

(I found this cake on . . . wait for it . . . Pinterest!)

I started hiding my habit. I’d have Facebook tabbed so I could jump to it if anyone walked in the room so they wouldn’t see me scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, pinning, re-pinning, liking, commenting. I stopped sleeping. I would have stopped eating but everything on Pinterest makes me hungry.

My husband expressed concern for my mental health, worried I spent too much time on this cyber-bulletin board. I told him something like, “Shut the hell up!!!! I’m just fine!! Leave the room!!!”

Cooking tips. Craft ideas. Holiday gifts. Fashionable outfits. Zany quotes. Cute animal pics. Funny photos. Beauty tips. Fifty things to do with toilet paper rolls. How to braid a loaf of bread. Cupcakes that look like gingerbread houses. 75 ways to incorporate bacon into your day. How to do a “smoky” eye. There was just NO END to the things I could learn!!

(Information overload!!)

Finally, after a Pinterest session that lasted 17 hours, my husband slapped me, shut down the computer and rolled me into the shower. The blast of cold water brought me back to my senses–but all I could think about was Pinteresting.

My husband staged a Pintervention and pressed a brochure into my shaky hands, “How to Have a Healthy Interest in Pinterest.” I started to cry. I knew he was right. And I was crying because I hate it when he’s right.

Now I’m in recovery. But it’s not easy. I suffer from Pinsomnia. I admit, I sneak a quick hit every now and then, but it’s nothing. I can handle it. Right?

Right?

Tell me I’ll be okay!!!

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