I was babysitting my youngest grandson (two-month-old Godzilla) and was reminded of all the reasons I’m through having babies. I found him to be highly emotional, irrational and subject to bouts of unprovoked crying. He’s kind of like having a miniature teenage daughter.
(You think this is a costume. Nope. My grandchild.)
Here are the things I’ve forgotten about babies:
- Just when you think they’re asleep–they’re not. Every time I’d lay him down, his eyes would flash open like something out of a horror movie.
- Drinking a five-ounce bottle is an all-day process. Drink an ounce. Fall asleep. Wake up 15 minutes later. Drink another ounce. Fall asleep. Repeat until you’ve pulled all your eyebrow hair out.
- Crying and cooing look a lot alike. He’s smiling one minute, crying the next, cooing at me sweetly, then making horrible screeching sounds. Pick an emotion, dammit.
(Stage 1: 2:15 p.m.)
(Stage 2: 2:15 p.m.)
- Poop really stinks.
- Ringo the Dog is jealous of the baby. So if I’m holding ‘Lil Godzilla, I’m also holding Ringo. Makes it hard to breathe.
(Ringo the Dog thinks he’s as tiny as a newborn. He’s wrong.)
- Babies insist on spitting up so it runs down your bare shoulder and you end up smelling like rotten milk for a couple of hours.
- Babies require lots of accessories. Even more than a Kardashian. Scattered through my home were a variety of objects including a miniature swing, a vibrating monkey (don’t ask), a playmat with freakishly colored circus animals, several outfits (he’s very indecisive), a pallet of diapers and a crapload of toys he had no interest in.
(I’m not even sure what this is. It could be the alien spaceship that will return Godzilla to his home planet.)
But, in the end, I wouldn’t trade a second of watching this little boy. I love to snuggle into his soft neck, I love to tickle his tiny feet and I love to watch him learn to smile. Definitely worth it.