Things Driving Me Crazy in New Orleans

I’ve experienced New Orleans, N’Awlins, NOLA and/or The Big Easy since Friday. Although people are crazy everywhere, here are some crazies specific to what I’ve experienced in New Orleans:

• Pedestrian crossings are a frightening adventure. Kind of like playing a real life version of Frogger.
• Bourbon Street?!?! Really?!?! I’ve never seen a more obnoxious and loud street in the entire country.

(Nothing better than having an overweight girl in a skimpy bikini try to lure your husband into a strip club.)

• The entire city smells of urine and vomit. (Usually from people stumbling off Bourbon Street.)
• As a journalist, I can’t endorse the use of the slogan “Who Dat?” for the New Orleans Saints.

(Grammar need not apply.)

• The term “fast food” is a completely foreign idea to “employees” at “fast food” places in NOLA. As is the term “customer service”.  (Actual conversation.) Me:  ”I would like a mango/pineapple smoothie, please?” “Employee” (after turning around to talk to her friend for a while): “What did you say?” (Actually, it was “What Dat?” but I refused to answer her until she used English.”)
•  Humidity. My hair is already thick and wavy. It doesn’t need help from YOU Mother Nature.

(And this was BEFORE I went outside.)

• Our 1,100 room hotel has a fitness center with 1 bike, 1 treadmill and 2 elliptical machines (one of them is broken). I guess management doesn’t care if their guests have to jog outside on urine-soaked streets.  Shame on you, Sheraton. 
• Too much good food!!! With po-boys, jambalaya, creole shrimp, beignets, french bread, fried seafood platters, double chocolate bread pudding, crab cakes, southern ribs and red beans, I’ve gained roughly 20 pounds–even with the use of urine-soaked streets. Tomorrow, back to Utah where I can only get Jell-O or root beer.

(Nope. That’s not a sea-lion wearing my undies.)